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Van Meter Residence Hall Ranked #1 for White People with Dreads


UMass administration is proud to announce the university has earned yet another best-in-the-nation title for upholding fine standards of collegiate living.

Published by the Princeton Review earlier this month, Van Meter Hall, a freshman dormitory located at the peak of the Central Residential Area, was voted “the best for white people with dreadlocks,” finally ranking above all University of Vermont dormitories. To find out why, we asked the locals themselves.

“The environment in Van Meter is truly something unique. We celebrate diversity first and foremost,” commented Residence Director Linda Sullivan, “students from all walks of life call this building their home, but especially white people with dreads. There are always a lot of white people with dreads.”

These friendly Van Meter residents are commonly spotted outside on the hill, enjoying nature and appropriating cultures that are not their own.

“I just love the vibes up here,” reported freshman Justin Decker, a self-identified Caucasian male who has recently began the process of styling his hair in dreadlocks.

After insisting he play us a set on the bongos, the 19-year old student with an African tribal tattoo and 1-inch gauge earrings went on to add: “Everyone is so woke and tolerate of each other’s style. Like this past weekend I went to a costume party and wore this rocking headdress. I got so many compliments, I may just start wearing it regularly.”

If there is one thing for sure, Van Meter Hall certainly provokes an interesting range of thought and borrowed fashion ideas.

At press time, Decker wanted to make known that his costume comment is definitely not racist because he totally once went to a “No DAPL” rally.

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