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The 5 Stages of Moving Back in With Your Parents

 

Maybe it’s just for the summer before the fall semester, or maybe it’s because you majored in something stupid and now you can’t find a job. Either way, moving back in with your folks is difficult process. For the past ten months you haven’t had to answer to anyone, you didn’t have “chores,” and you’re room definitely wasn’t a Zumba studio. You have less than a month to prepare yourself to move back in. Are you ready?

 

Stage 1: “It won’t be that bad…”

You need to stop telling yourself whatever bullshit excuse you’ve given yourself on why moving back in with your parents isn’t going to be that bad. It will. Yes, your parents love you and you love your parents, but you are losing the freedom you’ve had at college and it is going to SUCK. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

 

Stage 2: “I don’t want to!”

So you’ve accepted that you have to move back in with your parents this summer and that it will not be pleasant. Good job. Now stop fucking whining about it. Everyone understands that you are angry about the situation. We’re all there with you. But please don’t be the guy who whines about it. You WILL make everyone hate you.

 

Stage 3: “I’ll just work all summer.”

After you stop complaining and move on to figuring out a solution, you’ll arrive here: “I’ll just work all summer.” You’ll work 24/7? Really? Or maybe you’ll say “I’ll spend most of the summer at my friends.” Or maybe “I’ll be a hobo and join a caravan of gypsy travelers who’ve devoted their lives to throwing sticks at old people.” But the reality is that you’re going to have limitations. You’re going to have to spend time with your family.

 

You’ll accidentally say a swear word in front of your mom and be lectured for an hour on using proper language. This is a lecture where will likely accidentally let a few “damn its” slip in. You’ll have to pull taxi duty and drive your younger brother to 8 a.m. My Little Pony fan club meetings because he doesn’t get his license for another month. This realization will lead you to stage 4.

 

Stage 4: *binge watches Criminal Minds and cries into a bowl of ramen*

Unfortunately collapsing to a heaping ball of sadness and the %50 off Easter candy you stocked up on is not an option right now. There are finals to prep for. It’s okay, though. You can probably stay huddled up in your blankets for ONE more episode. (Please note that this said “episode” not “season” or “series.” The Black Sheep does not condone failing your classes because of Netflix. We do not suggest that you waste your life on Netflix, Tumblr, Reddit or any other website even if most of the people on our staff are doing it. This has been a disclaimer.)

 

Stage 5: “It’s just a few months.”

When you’re finally able to accept your fate (no rush, everyone heals at their own pace) it’s comforting to know that it’s just a few months. You’ll be back to your usually scheduled Thursday night of beer-pong and WebWork soon enough. Besides, free food!

 

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