Ah pancakes. What a joyous and nostalgic memory. The smell of butter and syrup tease your nostrils as you remember those nice mornings waking up at Grandma’s. WRONG. The last time you had pancakes was that one time your one-night stand (we’ll just call him STANDley) made them for you in his shitty apartment kitchen as he was calling you an Uber home in the morning. You had to take them rolled up in a napkin with you as you crawled into Mikhail’s Nissan Altima. How embarrassing. Anyways, here’s how to make blueberry pancakes.
What You’ll Need:
– 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
– 3 ½ teaspoons baking powder
– 1 Teaspoon salt
– 1 tablespoon white sugar
– 1 ¼ cups milk
– 1 egg
– Some good ol’ melted butter (Enough to give Paula Deen a strong orgasm)
– Those blueberries that are shriveled up in the back of your fridge
20 minutes; factor in some time to cry about your shitty life choices.
As your Jewish bubbe would say: “THE BUTTAH, OH THE BUTTAH.”
Let’s Get Baked:
– Mix together all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.
– Pour in the egg, melted buttah, and the milk into the mixture—stir until smooth.
– Spray a flat griddle pan with cooking oil and heat over low-medium flame.
– Pour batter into little circles on the pan, careful, though, the batter can spread quickly once placed on a flat surface (kind of like your legs that not-so-beautiful night on Standley’s roommate’s futon.)
– Brown cakes on both sides.
– Decorate finished hot cakes with butter and blueberries to make them look presentable.
Look at that! Your mom would be proud. Eat these little morsels of gold as a regular breakfast food, or as a coping mechanism by way of binge eating.
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