There are so many different types of studiers: the hardcore flashcard users, the people who highlight everything so that their notes are a blur of neon, vomit-inducing colors, or the people who re-read the textbook ten times, because apparently having a life has never occurred to them. But that’s only half the equation. What about where you study? Here at The Black Sheep we’ve delved deep into the world of pseudo-science and making shit up to figure out what, exactly, your study spot says about you. However, some of our arbitrary, inaccurate judgements may be a little harsh, so if you’re a sissy, you may want to stop reading and go get a pair.
The Upper Floors of the Library:
[fdxAds id=139877 container=fdx-container align=right]
Congratulations for giving a shit about your education! Sitting there for hours on end in dead silence, grappling with the complexities of your course must be grueling work. We all believe that you didn’t leave everything until the last minute. You’re definitely not here because it’s the only place open long enough for the all-nighter you’re about to pull. We know the real reason you’re here is because you’re actually as studious as you pretend to be to your parents… Just do us all a favor and keep your sobbing silent, it is the quiet zone after all.
The Second and Third Floors of the Library:
You’re in Greek Life and really don’t want to be studying at all, but lo and behold, you have to put in those set number of study hours in the library. You’re probably scrolling through Facebook, gazing longingly out the windows, or calling in reinforcements from the same situation to suffer together. You enjoy punishing the students who really need the space to study by chatting with your friends about who threw up in which frat’s bathroom last night. You feel most rewarded when you get to pull an all-nighter and brag about it on Instagram.
The Egg-Pod Things in Prospector:
You appreciate the comforting smell of Chick-fil-A and the warm cocoon of the egg-pod as you study. It’s nice to know that even if you fail, the egg-pod will still care. You’re probably a computer science or some other obscure major that wants to spend their breaks in silence and out of the sight of other students. It’s the perfect place to quietly cry over the midterm you forgot about and how incredibly fucked you are now. It’s okay, you sad, pathetic failure — the egg pods, weird stains and slight B.O. smell and all, will shield you from this cruel, cruel world.
The Bonnie Cone Memorial Garden:
(You know, the one with the grave)
You sick fuck. You’re favorite place to study is… OUTSIDE? How could you? Yeah, we know all about the “fresh air” and how you get to “stretch your legs.” And don’t give us that crap about “this nice weather we’ve been having.” You know where there’s nice weather all the time? The air conditioned glory of indoors. You eat right and exercise too, don’t you? Yeah, go eat a fucking salad, you monster.
The Asian Garden:
The Student Union:
Open all the time to students, you’re an on-campus student that is very studious and practical. You have a dick roommate that prevents you from getting any work done in your own room. You enjoy people-watching from your perch on the second floor, and having coffee and Outtakes at your grasp. You probably wear headphones without playing any music, just so people don’t talk to you.
The Computer Lab in Smith:
Congratulations, you’re far enough into your engineering studies so that you have ~card access~ into the computer lab. You likely have some form of anxiety that you ease with Adderall or weed on the weekends, and you see the female species maybe twice a month, if you’re lucky. You haven’t been to a social event that wasn’t a study session in months. Everyone secretly despises you for getting free printing.
The Fretwell Café:
This is as close as it gets to being a hipster at UNCC, and you’re still torn up about the Starbucks in the Union not having enough tables to prop your Macbook and sip chai lattes from. You enjoy the scent of old books and the sight of rich mahogany. You probably pay for contacts, but choose to wear glasses. You avoid eye contact with the other English majors, and enjoy judging people silently from behind your Macbook as you type very loudly, and with purpose.
In Your Bed:
Come on, we all know you’ve just got a textbook open while you browse Tumblr (or Reddit, or Pinterest, or Netflix, or Facebook, or The Black Sheep ) It’s okay. We’ve all been there. Some of us on a daily basis. You may even be doing it right now. The important thing is that you are one step closer to actually trying and there is no way you’re going to flunk out with this flawless study strategy. You’re the best kind of studier — you work through it all, the silence, the asshole playing music below you, your roommates bangin’ — and you’re so dedicated to your studies that you haven’t left your bed. While you’re at it, why don’t you grab a cold one and continue browsing the internet. We’re sure that waiting to write that paper won’t come back to bite you in the ass in any way shape or form. Go for it, bro.