It’s 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night and we’re all either doing homework, watching Netflix, or just relaxing after a long day of classes. Suddenly, every single cell phone on campus gets a notification. Then another. And one more? Your phone is blowing up!
No, it isn’t that girl from Yik Yak finally hitting you up on Kik. It’s vrobert2 emailing you. Who is this? Oh, we don’t know. But they emailed all 28,000 students, including you, and now we’re helpless victims to that disastrous “Reply All” button.
“Please stop emailing me.”
“Remove me from this email.”
Although we’re somewhat college educated, somehow the concept of if you want the emails to stop, to simply STOP REPLYING TO EVERYONE didn’t reach a vast majority of the student population.
Over 200 emails later, what are we supposed to do but enjoy the presence of the Niner nation? Here’s some of our personal favorites:
Group emails are the perfect time for political agendas. The hashtag #SaveBelkTower needs to become a thing. Why won’t anyone tell us how much it costs to take down? Why has the internet sucked ever since the fence came up? What if Moodle headquarters are IN Belk Tower?
9.) Memes (or specifically Guy Fieri memes):
We don’t really know why Guy Fieri began to dominate the message. Maybe Fieri’s sad about Belk Tower too.
8.) “Check out my mixtape at…”:
People don’t want to hear your shitty mixtape even when they’re in a decent mood.
7.) “Has everyone heard of the good lord and savior?”:
Jesus can’t help you here.
6.) “I want to get off Mr. Bones ride.”
This ride never ends, man.
5.) This homeless dude:
These messages are also a great place for your personal agenda! He’s homeless, it’s basically the second best method to physically searching for a place to stay.
4.) Thirsty people:
The same “What’s your kik?” guys creep into every situation, with no failure here either.
3.) Glass Half-Full:
Then we have the positive people just looking for friends. They’re definitely not wrong, look how much bonding we’re doing!
2.) “I never want to leave.”
Hey, we never wanted to leave either! Maybe it’s not so bad after all!
1.) “Does this guy have the wrong email or what?”
Over an hour later, the IT department finally got wind of the infamous UNCC email scandal of 2015 and reacted as best they could in times of tragedy. We were assured by IT twice that the emails were not a hack, but just a random guy who accidentally emailed the Test Registrar.
Many phones crashed in this latest travesty. Tears were shed. Fists were raised to the sky as we cursed vrobert2’s name. Damn you, vrobert2! Wherever you are, we hope you’re happy with what you’ve done (…we secretly kind of are). We’ll leave you with one final Guy Fieri quote to get you through until next time: