One fun activity to kill a week of your summer is to pack up the minivan with Jack Daniel’s and your best friends, Jack and Daniel, and trek across the country on a road trip. To help you not forget your roots at your home in Chambana, The Black Sheep has 7 UIUC-themed things you can do on your summer road trip to make it feel like you never left campus.
7.) Walk Around Other Colleges and Think About How Much Better UIUC Is:
You’ve been trained to see your university as a modern piece of art: understood by few, but enjoyed by many. On your road trip, make sure to visit every Ivy League school, community college and redneck paradise that you come by and think about how much better Illinois is.
6.) Buy Things and Then Say You Can’t Pay for It:
With the state of Illinois’ ongoing budget crisis, U of I hasn’t had any state-sponsored funding for nearly a year, forcing the university to make commitments (ex. the “medical” school) and not be able to make it happen (ex. not opening the “medical” school). So on your trip, make sure to make huge purchases, but complain that you won’t be able to pay for it and blame it on Governor Rauner.
5.) Stay at Nasty Motels:
After living in Taft-Van Doren, among other dorms for an entire year, UIUC students have become used to living in air conditioner-less messes. As a result, stay at disgusting motels – like the ones on the side of a road, not a Motel 6, that’s too nice – and suffer through some more nightmares and reminders of what your life is like during the school year.
4.) Refuse to Pay for a Bus Fare:
With every CUMTD bus stop on campus being considered a “free” (a.k.a. paid by your tuition) iStop, most students have no idea how to pay a bus fare. So after your car dies and you have to take a bus to the mechanic, refuse to pay for the bus fare and just claim that your stop was an iStop. The bus driver will know what you mean. Probably.
3.) Assume You Can Buy Any Food With Café Credits:
Go to a Wal-Mart in North Carolina? Pay with Café Credits. Go to a strip club in Seattle? Thank the lovely woman with Café Credits. Nobody’s accepting Café Credits? Offer them Extra Credits.
2.) Be Terrible When Playing Pickup Basketball or Football:
With Lovie Smith’s reign of Illinois football yet to begin and about half of the basketball team still suspended, Illini athletics are atrocious and make sure that everybody on your trip knows that. Any opportunity that arises to play some pickup hoops or football, show everyone your Illini spirit and play like you’re never going to a bowl game or the NCAA tournament in front of an empty stadium!
1.) Pet Every Squirrel You See:
If you found a squirrel in Chambana that was mean or thin, did you actually see a squirrel? Being stuck in the UIUC bubble for an entire makes most people forget that squirrels actually aren’t all that friendly, but make the squirrels you see UIUC-themed and give them a little pet.
There’s nothing more fun than traveling through all the states that support Donald Trump and have colleges not up to par with the U of I!