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Chaos Ensues After Several Live Rams Set Loose at VCU

In a recent attempt at boosting student morale, VCU’s administration has excitedly unveiled a small group of live rams in place of the university’s current mascot, Rodney the Ram, causing what some believe to be a fairly chaotic wave of property damage and personal injury.

Sightings of Rodney are a staple of the VCU experience and have become something with which students can feel stability to throughout their time at VCU. The shift from the familiar furry to its real-world counterpart has some people questioning the intentions of the university.

“Everyone has always loved Rodney, and, of course, he will always have a special place in the hearts of administration and students alike,” a VCU official said. “This transition, more than anything, is about staying true to VCU’s motto: we simply want to ‘Make It Real.’”

Despite the representative’s reassuring words, some students remain worried as many of the animals roam freely through campus.

Carlos Remini, a current junior at VCU, claims the horned sheep have been wreaking absolute havoc on his personal life.

“I don’t know what they were thinking releasing a bunch of aggressive rams into a city like this,” Remini said. “I can’t check my mail. One of them just stares at me from the sidewalk menacingly. I haven’t left my apartment in days.”

Increased reports of ram related damage have been sprouting all around campus, including the tipping of at least two vegan food trucks, and less devastatingly, countless damage to the Shafer Dining court.

Many students are calling for an end to the rampage, including Lisa Mencia, a current VCU senior basketball player, who faced off with one of the rams on her way to a victory brunch with the rest of her startlingly tall teammates.

“My bike is ruined and I have a sprained–well just about everything is sprained,” Mencia said. “You wanna know why? It’s the fucking rams! What else?”

Amid the backlash to the recent change, the administration released a statement to quell the fears of students on campus.

“Our newest addition to VCU’s atmosphere has recently garnered a great deal of attention. There have been a variety of views towards the recent release of our beloved rams. We hear you, and what can we say? These rowdy rams are ready to rumble. We encourage students to be prepared for what life throws at them. That said, while there have been alleged reports of ram damage, VCU would like to assure the student body that our new friends pose no real danger.”

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