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How to Deal With The Possibility That You’re a Failure

One thing that you have in common with U of R’s basketball team is that you can’t win. After roughly 175 job applications to legitimately any and every company, from Disney, NBC, Netflix, and even fictitious companies like Dunder Mifflin, you have yet to hear back and now you’re listening to a Logic song for moral support. Here are a few stages and steps of the Job Application Grieving process.

5.) Breathe:
This breathing thing is somewhat important for our present and future existence. With the deadly combinations of anxiety of finishing up your senior year, graduating, applying to jobs, realizing that those companies don’t want you, throwing your computer down multiple sets of stairs due to the excessive rejections from jobs, realizing you need that computer to apply to more jobs, then taking out a small loan to replace it, life is tough and you need to ensure you’re breathing. If you can find a place on campus that smells the least like raw sewage, take a deep breath.

4.) Be strong:
You’ve run out of tears and are too poor to purchase more water to produce more tears, so now you’re just standing on the side of Broad Street looking like your dry heaving. Emotions are for the weak, but lord knows you aren’t strong. Rub some dirt on the wound and get back out there. Go make fun of a pledge, catch a fish out of Belle Isle with your bare hands, or take Energy 201, whatever it takes to get you mentally and physically strong and prepared.

3.) Doing nothing does nothing:
Staring at your resume and cover letter for hours on end won’t change the fact that your applications are more of an outcast than Andre 3000. You can blame the economy, Trump, and the sign guy, but that won’t change the fact that you’re going to have to be living off of 11 p.m.–3 a.m. pizza from Christian’s if you don’t get a job here soon.

2.) Be ready:
What do you do next? What else can you do? Well, before you decide to drop out of school before concluding your collegiate career, investing in a Pee-Wee Sherman bike, and joining the rest of the Mormons on campus, you’ve got to remember hope is completely lost yet. Update that LinkedIn account, your resume, and portfolio and continue to get your name out there, because even though Rome wasn’t built in a day, your trash resume was. Much like construction here at VCU, opportunities are always ongoing.

1.) Believe:
Believe in yourself the way all of us students believe in the excellence of Pho and its Vietnamese magic. It’s like they always say: “The first 175 applications are always the hardest.” Strap up those boots, plug in that four-year old MacBook Pro, set aside 163 hours and apply to another 175 job opportunities. If you happen to not hear back from an organization by the time you’ve graduated, just remember…You may suck, but you’re not alone. We all suck and we’ll see each other in Monroe Park next year.


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