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How to Lose the Freshman 15 You’ve Already Gained at VCU

Are you looking to drop that freshman 15 you somehow managed to put on in the first two and a half months of school? That’s not a suggestion, you probably need to do that. Turns out all that Chic-Fil-A and Panda Express catches up to you real fast, but don’t worry—it’s relatively fixable! After this, you won’t have to squeeze into your outfit looking like an unappealing, overflowing ice cream cone. Here are some ways how to lose the freshman 15: 

5.) Hot water relaxation:
You may be a bit confused at this, but it has been proven that hot showers or sitting in a hot tub for more than 15 minutes burns calories. Luckily at VCU, there is a nice hot tub at Cary Street Gym. You should plan on going in the hot tub without eating or drinking anything before, so you can burn the maximum number of calories of course. You don’t need that excessive water weight while you’re relaxing. Stay in until you feel light headed: this means you’re losing weight. If your vision becomes blurred, or you completely lose it, that’s normal too. You’ll wake up and feel 10 pounds lighter, and also probably in a hospital. 

4.) Sleep through your classes:
In order to burn those extra calories without actually leaving your bedroom, it may be a good idea to just skip your 1 p.m. and maybe even your 3 pm. While lying in bed and doing absolutely nothing, you’ll burn a good amount of calories. The longer you stay away from eating, the better off you’ll be! You have to push yourself and sleep that unwanted weight away. It’s more important to be healthy than get good grades anyway.

3.) Shafer’s protein pizza:
Not many know of the ‘secret menu’ item that is protein pizza at Shafer. You have to go up to the pizza area and ask the worker there at that time for the protein pizza. Make sure you whisper it to them because this is a secret delicacy. They may give you a confused look followed by them pointing to the pizza that’s sitting out. It may lack real cheese, or thick sauce, but the stale, crunchy crust is where all the protein is stored, but honestly, Papa John should be jealous, maybe even threatened by the Shafer protein pizza. He’s got some real competition.

2.) Franklin Street Gym’s secret ‘fit-pills’:
Everyone knows Franklin Street Gym isn’t as popular as Cary Street Gym, but Franklin strives to help people lose weight faster than working out at Cary. Once you’re at Franklin, go down to the basement and find the guy in the hooded sweatshirt. Bingo—he’s probably a drug dealer. Ask for the “fit pills,” and when he looks at you with disgust and tells you to fuck off, you’ve lost enough weight from sweating through this awkward encounter. And hey, you could hit the gym on the way out too. 

1.) Do laps around the Compass shirtless:
What better way to motivate yourself than to publically shame yourself in front of the public’s reaction? The Compass may not be the biggest or best area to do some jogging laps, but you’ll get the chance to show off your hard work and excess flab. Maybe some people will even cheer you on, boosting your confidence. Maybe not. Probably not. If people give you a weird look and laugh, run faster in your circle until you can be ridiculed by them in three minutes. 

 

People who listen to our podcast lose weight (probably)! 

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