Even if you’ve only been to one party since your freshman year, you’re likely to have run the gamut as far as meeting every person that seems to appear at house shows, frat parties, and club nights at for as long as you’ll attend VCU. We’ve broken that list down into bite-sized stereotypes that are pretty close to accurate.
6.) Wannabe male comedian:
He’s wearing an ill-fitted sweater because he’s above it all, but don’t let this fool you: He will definitely die if he isn’t the center of attention at any given moment during the evening. It’s cool that you wanted to send your friend a video of your roommate doing a handstand, but if you wanted to send it without this guy shouting in the background the entire time, you’re gonna be at a loss. He makes a joke about checking IDs when you walk into the party and nobody laughs. You don’t know why he was invited, and every time a group forms he pushes through and announces himself. He likes all your posts on VCU class pages after this.
5.) Networking bro:
This guy is weirdly fit and you don’t understand how, but before you have time to question it, he shows you his business’s IG page. It’s a lot of inspirational hashtags below his custom-made whatever-it-is. He keeps saying things like, “We should collab” and “I’m developing this thing.” Someone in the other room just broke a table. He says he knows a guy who can fix that and hands out a business card: “You gotta support RVA businesses, dude.”
4.) Art girl who doesn’t know what’s going on:
She’s a painting and printmaking major, and she doesn’t know what’s going on. She keeps telling you this. She’s about five feet tall and has a German poem tattooed on her arm. She does a cartwheel and hits a bullseye on a dartboard with her eyes closed. Everyone cheers. She has no memory of this two minutes later.
3.) Sadboi who’s over it:
He says he doesn’t like parties, but he goes to them six times a week. He keeps asking for the aux so he can play Sufjan Stevens. He won’t stop talking about his mediocre final project for AFO last semester. He wishes he had his harmonica and says something like, “Have you ever heard of Wes Anderson?” to a woman before disappearing into a blueberry vape cloud.
2.) “Oh, we goin’ shirtless?” guy:
He takes every opportunity to take his shirt off. This party is one of them. He keeps trying to get other bros to take their shirts off too claiming it is a display of brotherly camaraderie. He was wearing a tropical button-up that was unbuttoned when he came in, but it was too restricting and now he needs to be free.
1.) Crying girl:
She’s in the bathroom, and she’s crying. She’s talking about the peppermint butler mural on W. Clay and how much she loves it. Nobody knows how she was invited but she cracked her phone screen and she’s best friends with everyone in line for the bathroom she’s crying in.