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Congratulations! You’re Not as Disappointing as VCU Basketball

Remember: whether you’re acing a class or just barely hanging on during finals, you’re still not nearly as disappointing as VCU’s basketball team this season. Oh, what, are we supposed to show you proof now?

There are clear arguments against the Rams this season. Sure, they have a winning record (5-4, as of publication), but look at who they’re winning against. For instance, the Rams have notched victories against Old Dominion, who, let’s face it, will soon be an underwater campus anyways, and Appalachian State, which, in fact, is not actually a state.  

When it comes to real teams that we’ve faced off against, we have absolutely goofed.

But you, a student, who has worked your ass off for a rare “C” this semester, are way more impressive than our Rams trotting up and down the basketball court. You know that if you scored just over 50% on a test, you’d fail, but our basketball team can do it and they sell out an arena? Shaking our goddamn heads. 

And despite the fact that you could’ve quit during withdrawal week, but didn’t because you totally forgot when it was, makes you an athlete all on your own. Your endurance speaks volumes, and when people say, “Just Do It,” you just did it and have a list of mediocre grades to prove it. 

So hang your head high, fellow non-basketball playing Rams.

Sure, you’re only passing your electives, your teachers don’t know your name still, and you aren’t sure whether or not you’re technically enrolled in school anymore, but it will all be worth during winter break when you tell your parents, “Hey, I may be disappointing to you, but I’m way better than our basketball team.”

And they reply, “Well, that’s really not something to be proud of.”

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast with Twitter’s @Rad_Milk!

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