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5 Ways To Get Rodney-The-Rammed on Valentine’s Day

VCU is well known for its diversity, meaning there are a lot of students here who fit into the LGBT+ community. Everyone within this spectrum comes to college in hopes to find that special someone that they couldn’t have in high school, where everyone knows there are approximately three gays per 100 mile radius. Valentine’s Day is coming whether we want it to or not, and since straight people haven’t monopolized poor decision making, some gays at The Black Sheep have done some investigative work to make sure than you can too. Here are our top five ways for you to get rammed at VCU.

5.) Go to a VCU sponsored LGBT+ club:
Just like any VCU-sponsored club, you can anticipate meeting people you wouldn’t expect to encounter, or even vaguely want to encounter, throughout your daily life. You might meet someone who loves to ask way too personal questions at the drop of a hat, but you also might meet a potential woke bae at one of these events and consummate your inevitably short relationship in the private quarters of your residence hall where literally everyone can hear you.

4.) Try asking your roommate:
While you’re sitting alone in your residence hall this week, crying under the covers with a pint of vanilla ice cream watching Call Me By Your Name as your roommate sits in the corner probably doing the same thing, try asking them. You’re already paired with them for a reason, and somebody’s gotta do it. Don’t tell us you haven’t thought about it before.

3.) Yell into the void that is your VCU Facebook group:
Posting to your VCU Class Facebook page is often times hit or miss. It’s likely you won’t get a response from anyone for a number of days (if at all), especially if you’re an upperclassmen (although usually the freshman page is full of people charging for swipes and found IDs). It doesn’t hurt to tell everyone you go to class with that you’re lonely and need someone to sleep with. Y’all love oversharing anyway! You’re gay and alone so take a shot in the dark.

2.) Go to Godfrey’s:
If you adore loud music, sweaty people dancing too close to you, drag queens, getting aggressively hit on by the oldest person in the room, and seeing the same twelve people every Wednesday, Godfrey’s’ college night sounds perfect for you. You and a bunch of other people you vaguely know are welcome to grind uncomfortably on one another on the smallest dance floor imaginable. It’s a surefire way to hookup in the gender-neutral bathroom and never feel comfortable going back. If that doesn’t do it for you, every guy you’ve blocked on Grindr will also be there.

1. Re-download Grindr for the 10th time this semester:
Tenth time’s the charm! You said you were done with it two weeks ago but the Starbucks at Cabell has a molten lava Frappuccino for Valentine’s Day, so you know what? Who gives a shit? All bets are off, and given that Richmond prides itself on being a gay tourist destination (God only knows why), there are plenty of people just waiting to send you the worst pickup lines you can think of accompanied by an unflattering image of their genitals. If that doesn’t get you laid, nothing will!

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