You and your folks dropped some serious coin for you to go here. You work tirelessly for a degree that just might get you a job when you graduate. You’re tired and in need of some real “bow-chika-wow” time. You and bae’s love life deserves more than daily missionary quickies while your roommate’s in the shower. It’s time to explore every inch of VCU’s fertile soil to find the best places to lay some seed. Tear the foil off your Magnums (why tf you lyin), it’s time to plow through VCU’s top spots to get your rocks off.
5.) Monroe Park:
Monroe Park is always alive with protests and bake sales and cookouts. No one would even notice the two of you gettin’ shwifty in the grass. Imagine the two of you, wrestling in the dirt, doing it all-natural like Adam and Eve. Or Adam and Steve. Or Ava and Eve. Best part about it, if your partner lives in Cabaniss, the bus stops right next to the park. No need to call an Uber or anything, just time it right. Every 15 min, which should be plenty of time *wink wink*.
4.) Your professor’s office:
You know that one professor. The one you go to every week because the struggle is real in that class. The one that always leaves their door unlocked when they go out for their lunch break. Call up your S/O as soon as they grab their coat and head for the door. Just say your favorite ink pen slipped under the desk, and you’ll be out soon. If you’ve ever wanted to have hot office sex like those ad execs in ‘Mad Men’, here’s your chance.
3.) Larrick Gym:
Just take a little trip over to the MCV Campus, and you’ll find Larrick Gym, a perfect place for you and your partner to know each other in the Biblical sense. First off, less people attend this gym than the one on Cary St. Second and most importantly, there’s a friggin’ hot tub in the pool area. Remember that party at your friend Jordyn’s stepdad’s house, when you and your mate were trying to cross “hot tub” off your sexual bucket list, but the police showed up and ruined it? Consider your erotic escapade as good as fulfilled. You should totally text Jordyn about it. After she gets out, of course.
2.) The UCI Raceway:
What better way to get it on and watch the International Bike Race at the same time? And you can pretend that all the cheers from the crowd are for you, which’ll be a huge confidence boost. Can you imagine the epicness of an “after sex selfie” over Main Street? Infinite likes on the ‘gram. Just be sure to stop periodically to let pedestrians walk by. And you know, run if any cops spot you. You’ll be fine, cops hate climbing stairs.
1.) Fourth floor of Cabell:
This one takes the cake. The fourth floor of the library has a “100% silence” rule. This is the perfect place for you and your butt buddy to take it nice and slow (cue Usher). The library’s open all night, so just find a nice, empty section, make a love-making playlist, pop some earbuds in, and go to town on top of some periodicals. Do it for her/him/them. Do it for VCU. Do it because you’re not trying to study right now, and you want a crazy story to tell your friends at the next RA Hall meeting.