Ever wondered what those tuition increases were for around campus? Well, in light of the recent acquisition of a certain night club made by VCU, The Black Sheep’s top financial advisors recently looked into what other expenditures have been made on behalf of the campus and the results were rather boring. So, instead of subjecting you to the details of how VCU is spending your money and plunging you further into debt, we decided to compile a list of suggestions of better ways for President Rao to waste our tuition.
5.) Build a water park in Monroe Park:
The people have spoken, and we have heard their desperate plea to extend construction on the renovation project at Monroe Park. This venture will extend the construction period by 7-12 months and only cost VCU $3.7 dollars if they spend the minimal amount of money necessary. With 31,242 students, that’s a tuition increase of only $118 per student; that’s the price of a used textbook at the campus bookstore. Who needs an education when there are water slides to plunge into?
4.) Just burn it:
If a water park doesn’t suit your fancy, perhaps water’s polar opposite will suffice. An average tuition rate for a student living on campus at VCU costs about $28,361. If you take the collective amount of money spent by each student to attend the university and doused it in gasoline, it might build a big enough fire to fix the rapid weather changes around campus. That would at least keep students from walking through the snow to get to class since no one wants to make the call to close the university until the day is almost over.
3.) Put beds in Cabell:
We know what you’re thinking—the bed bug situation has already been taken care of. Now, imagine a scenario in which you need to go for that perfect all-nighter but you can’t afford to lose any sleep before your exams. Beds at Cabell would be the best possible solution for students looking to get some shut-eye between classes. You practically live there anyway, and twin mattresses online only cost about $100 online. If we can spend all our money on a nightclub, we can spend it on a place to sleep afterward.
2.) Give it to the University of Richmond so they can buy themselves some personality:
If there’s anything less deserving of $3.5 million than a university’s purchase of a night club, it’s giving it to the rival school. Money certainly isn’t being allocated to repair the infamous Johnson Hall elevators, so why not just put it into an entirely fruitless cause? With all the money in their daddy’s wallets, you’d think these sentient Polo shirts would be able to buy themselves a state of higher consciousness, but you would be thinking wrong.
1.) Give Rao another raise:
Sure, the cryptid himself was the highest-paid employee in the state in 2016, but that’s never stopped a mythical beast before. Throwing some money at a day of self-care and trimming his talons might do VCU students better than free printing, right?
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: