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VCU to Appoint Nigerian Prince as Head of Career Services

Recently, many VCU students received a mysterious email from a “Dr. Largen.” The emails were confusing to many, and were described by some as, “hella sketch.” The emails being sent to student accounts is something that has garnered a lot of concern towards student security, and VCU quickly issued a statement in response to the situation.

“Student safety is our primary concern here at VCU, and we don’t want any student putting information into the wrong hands because they didn’t know better. Remember, no employer is ever going to send you an email with a job offer out of the blue, it’s—” a VCU representative said, before being interrupted by a Gmail notification.

After noting that the email they had just received was somewhat of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, the representative quickly made a few phone calls, ran across the room and gave three other people a high-five, before issuing a follow up statement.

“It is with great excitement that VCU announces that Nigerian Prince, Kevin Porter, will be joining our ramily as head of Career Services,” the VCU representative said. 

According to VCU, the new staff member hopes to make every student a “millionaire” by the end of next semester. The representative received an email from Porter, in which there was no body, but an attached word document detailing the offer he was prepared to make the school, with only five-to-ten spelling mistakes.

“Prince Porter will be providing each student with unique job opportunities using a brand new questionnaire he’s developed for increased efficiency” the representative said.

The Black Sheep was given a brief overview of the questionnaire, and it consists of approximately four questions, two of which, we were told, include a mothers maiden name, and a social security number.

 

 

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