RICHMOND, VA. – Based on a recent study done by VCU’s top psychiatrists, Richmond walkers are jaywalking at an increasingly higher rate, though not to cross the street quicker. The study concludes that students are trying to get hit by cars due to their mid-semester depression.
“It’s simple logic,” says Hans Roberts, a VCU psychiatrist. “Students are always posting about how they want to ‘literally die’ on social media due to midterms or their hangovers. Do you think that’s a joke?”
But, apparently, it’s not. In fact, according to a new poll that came out on Tuesday morning, 90% of VCU students really do crave that sweet release of death. And what better way to do it than walking out into ongoing traffic?
One of VCU’s students’ worst habits is their inability to cross streets correctly. In fact, the study pointed out that all VCU students are jaywalkers, though originally, it seemed like just a way to get from point A to point B faster.
“It’s simple logic,” says VCU student, Claire Reesa. “I’m always posting about how I want to die on social media. Do you think that’s a joke?”
Where the issues come in is that more and more students are wanting to get hit by these cars. So, when one person begins to walk out a little too early into the crosswalk, everyone else follows. This creates a mass movement of people, instead of just a single person.
Obviously, this stops traffic from flowing, making it so that no one can get hit when they want to.
“It’s frustrating,” Ressa continued. “I’m always the first one to walk out, thinking, ‘Hell yes, this is it.’ But then as I look back, I notice at least 20 other students walking behind me all mouthing out the phrase, ‘Hell yes, this is it.’”
The drivers are also experiencing frustration in this jaywalking epidemic at VCU. A new study that came out after the previous study claims that 75% of drivers are “okay” with only hitting one student. Only 10% of drivers in this study were “okay with hitting multiple people,” and 15% told the scientists to “fuck off.”
This creates a real issue as the mass movement of people across the crosswalk stops up 90% of traffic.
“It’s frustrating,” says local driver, Thom Thomas. “I’m always posting on social media about how I will only hit one student with a car. Do you think that’s a joke?”
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