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VCU Student Just Now Realizing This Isn’t French 201

With the semester well underway, VCU students are finding themselves lost in a flurry of emotion, with some feeling relieved and others feeling complete and total confusion. One of those confused students is VCU sophomore Jordan Michelle, an undeclared major, who has just now realized that the class he had believed to be French 201 has been an entirely different beast. 

“I wrote my V# down on the scantron, got my name down and all, and I’m thinking moi has got this,” Michelle said. 

As Michelle began to delve further into the final midterm of this semester, he realized something was off.

“So the first question had some numbers in it,” Michelle said. “I wasn’t too stressed. I figure I must’ve missed that day. I skipped to the next question, and you wouldn’t believe—this one was all about numbers too!”

Michelle soon realized that all the questions were “about numbers.”

“What the fuck…this isn’t French,” Michelle recalled saying aloud. 

That was one thing Michelle was right about for once. This was not French 201 at all. It was Math 141, and Michelle, despite only missing a few weeks of class and showing up hungover once less than allotted days the syllabus granted, had neglected to realize that this was not a foreign language.

“I just thought I was really bad at French, man,” Michelle said. “And really, I thought this was going to be pretty easy since everyone was speaking English most of the time anyway.” 

Michelle is, in fact, also very bad at French, but one thing he couldn’t count on was being even vaguely good at math.

“Hey, listen, these things happen,” Michelle said. “You enroll in French 201, you go a few times—most of the time under the influence, and sometimes you skip because you’re too much under the influence—then a few weeks later, you realize you’re in a upperclassmen calculus class. Really, at the end of the day, it’s VCU’s fault.” 

When reached for comment, a VCU spokesperson shook their head in dismay and declined to comment. 

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