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5 Things At VCU That Validate Your Entire Existence, Part I

There are a lot of things to complain about at VCU, all of which range from the extreme and bizarre to the most mundane of minutiae. With so much personality at this school, it only makes sense that there’s this much one can find themselves harboring bitterness over. In spite of that, The Black Sheep has put together five things at VCU that make us feel better about this place and truly validate our existence. And this is only part one…

5.) When the drink machine at Panda Express actually works:
We’ve all dealt with the lines at Panda, waiting endlessly to swipe for a bowl of American-made, white-washed version of Chinese food. Getting married and starting a family in line, before retiring at the Chipotle on campus. Nothing is more aggravating than getting your prison slop and hastily attempting to fill the cup they give you with a lid inside only for the Dr. Pepper nozzle to spew a disgusting mixture of water and syrup flavoring. But it’s that one instance when the drink machine finally spews out exactly what you swiped for that you feel at peace with the earth.

4.) Seeing a dog at the Compass:
Why anybody at VCU feels compelled to bring their canine companion to this place is beyond the realm of human understanding, but for the brave souls and drooling fur babies that do show up to the compass and the lawn outside the library, the students of VCU thank you immensely. Being away from the pets we have at home is hard, so when a student approaches you to ask if they can pet your dog and you let them, nothing is more satisfying. That is until you tell the student your dog’s name. That’s truly how to make someone’s day.

3.) Yelling back at the pastor who comes to condemn students to hell:
Everybody on campus is fully aware of the infamous holiday every student has come to dread known only as Sin Awareness Day, when a religious authority figure or fanatic appears on campus to shout at everyone passing through the compass to let them know that they’re all going to hell. Whether it’s because you’re “too gay,” “drunk walking to class,” or anything in-between, those of you who yell back to heckle the poor bastard are the only one’s of us making it into the Good Place in the afterlife.



2.) No line at Raising Cane’s after 5 p.m.: 
The easiest way to raise hell on campus is to tell students that the only place on campus that actually tastes any good and doesn’t cost any real money swipes after 5 p.m. This will always result in a guaranteed mile-long line, causing food service workers at the establishment to scramble for drink cups. The word “sandwich” can be heard from down both West Grace and North Laurel streets as it is shouted within the restaurant. There is no restitution here. However, during that sweet, sweet prime time when there isn’t a line and everyone is able to take a breath from the overcrowding to order a three-finger combo, there’s nothing but pure bliss.

1.) Freshmen who don’t charge for swipes:
Whichever one of you dickheads chose to buy a meal plan you weren’t going to use and then decided you were gonna charge upperclassmen real money for swipes – there is a special place in hell for you. Getting that many swipes and not using them is your own damn fault. Those of you that don’t are sweet little cinnamon rolls, too good for this Earth. Too pure. You demand nothing in return for your gracefulness and generosity. You are the individuals who will make many friends and go very far in life.



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