Finals are here and you know what that means: time to start thinking of the various ways you could “accidentally” step in front of moving traffic to get out of that 8 a.m. bio lab. Just try to drown yourself in coffee and Rockstars and you might be only half dead with a lack of a will to live. Whether you’re struggling with a lingering hangover from the weekend or your nerves just won’t stop spazzing the hell out, there are a few places that you can vomit on VCU’s campus on the way to your finals.
5.) Inside your backpack:
You’re walking through the Compass and you start to feel more shitty than usual. You need to find some place to vomit otherwise you’re bound to throw up that Shafer pizza on some random homeless guy. Instead, just open your backpack and use that to pour your guts out. If people stare, just look up and smile with all that nasty food dripping down your cheeks. What do you have to lose? You’re dignity was gone the second you opened that backpack.
4.) In Shafer’s ice cream machine:
You’re getting a wonderful, totally nutritious breakfast at Shafer when all of a sudden, after gobbling down their soggy eggs, you feel nauseous. You look around and there’s nowhere to safely vomit without making a mess. But let’s remember, Shafer’s ice cream machine is always broken and sometimes the top is just open, so could it really be that bad? Though difficult in theory, it would be ideal to climb on the counter and then barf into the machine. Run away before the workers notice. That was a close one.
3.) On Rodney the Ram:
Ah, the best creature in the entire universe, Rodney the Ram. You’ll walk past the commons and he might be outside giving the students of VCU a lovely pep dance to boost your motivation for finals. Nothing like watching a person in a Ram costume go wild, right? Well, if you’re feeling a little sick from watching him sway back and forth just vomit on him. It’ll give him a fresh new style since he’s always wearing the same outfit.
2.) On the treadmill at Cary Street Gym:
You decide to hit the gym before taking your hardest final. Exercise can help relieve some of that pent-up stress that has been building up. Just as you finish mile one out of three on the treadmill, you get the puke lump in your throat. It’s so bad that you can’t even hold it in and you puke all over the treadmill. Then the worst part is you slip and fall in your vomit in front of the entire gym. Guess that’s one way to get out of taking your final.
1.) In Cabell:
The most popular place to be caught studying is obviously the library. You’ve been there for two days straight,looking and feeling like absolute shit because you have had nothing but pizza and energy drinks. You’re sitting on one of the couches studying next to the cute guy from your math class and all of a sudden it hits you, or rather him. A acidic pizza puke covers your crush, but, who knows—maybe it will repel the bedbugs.
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