Our beloved president, Tim Sands, the Sandblaster, is probably one of of the white white guys to ever white. He’s the equivalent of three jars of mayo running around in a pair of white New Balances. When you think of Tim, you think white paint, but a little less interesting. We’ve compiled list a paint swatches for you that are whiter than him, in case you’re in the market to touch up your walls:
10.) Chalk White:
This fine shade of paint is chalkier than the Tums he takes for his chronic acid reflux, and whiter than the socks of suburban dad at the neighborhood barbecue. What could be better to describe our president?
9.) Navajo White:
Here at VT, we pride ourselves on being “DiVeRsE,” but we don’t want to get too deep into territory where we aren’t welcome. If only our boy Columbus felt the same way. Yikes.
8.) Intense White:
Have you ever had a white boy at a frat party come on to you too strong? Think about that, but, like, a color of paint and you have yourself some pretty intense white.
7.) Strong White:
Not to be confused with Intense White, Strong White could best be described as Tim Sands trying to dab after making a layup on his third try at the warm up of the faculty retreat basketball game.
6.) Cloud White:
If President Sands hit the Juul, Cloud White would be the color of the vape coming out of his mouth between coughs. I bet the man doesn’t even burn.
5.) Extra White:
The name is self-explanatory. Throw some white on that white and you have Tim.
4.) Super White:
C’mon guys? How many adjectives can we use to describe the color white? More than you can use to describe Tim Sands, probably.
3). Simply White:
Simpler than the two herbs and spices used to season Tim’s chicken: salt and pepper.
2.) China White:
The diversity joke has already been made, but we’re gonna double dip so that we can hammer into your head just how DiVeRsE Virginia Tech is.
1.) Paper White:
How can you be less interesting than a piece of white paper? Apparently anything is possible in the Sands Castle.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.