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$25 Million Mystery Donor Turns Out To Be Sands’ Sugar Daddy


On April 2, Virginia Tech News reported a $25 million donation had been made towards President Sands’ campus expansion project.


Thanks to this “private support”, Sands’ project will get a jumpstart on a two-building “Intelligent Infrastructure and Construction Complex.” Though we have no idea what an Intelligent Infrastructure and Construction Complex is we just like saying Intelligent Infrastructure and –okay, that’s enough.


Although the article clearly names a number of the “industry leaders” as the gift bearers, many Virginia Tech non-officials have had their speculations about from whom this $25 million private support came from.


A suggestion as to where this donation came from stems from the Duck Pond. The Duck Pond may or may not have had to be searched for various reasons throughout the past years, but who’s to say the investigators didn’t come up $25 million short? Blacksburg Transit driver Thomas M. explains:

“My line of thinking was, since there’s such an enigma behind humans throwing money into bodies of water –mostly water fountains, but nonetheless –it’s not that far-fetched of an idea that, collectively, there could be some serious cash money just cumulating under those geese butts.”


However, this theory had been quickly discarded due to the widely rumored fact that President Sands does not like ducks and would probably feel better finding funds for his project elsewhere.


This “elsewhere”, concluded by our trusty team of critical thinkers consisting of Blacksburg High Schoolers, has been found to be none other than President Sands’ very own sugar daddy. Which totally makes sense because who else would you run to when you’re trying to kick start your $70+ million project? There has yet to be any leads concerning who this gracious contributor is, but our eyes are making nervous glances at you, Coach Beamer.




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