We all should have expected that choosing to go to college at an institution that’s literally older than sliced bread would have its setbacks. Sure, there are renovations here and there like what’s been recently done with O’Shag and the salad bar in Owens that no one used to use (and, if we’re honest, will still never use), but that doesn’t mean there aren’t places on campus that are God-awful to be in. In fact, we’re positive McBryde is actually the first layer of Hell, and we’ve got the conspiracy theories to back this up:
5.) It’s darker and gloomier than any regular building should be:
And for no reason!! It could be sunshine and rainbows all over campus, but the second you walk into this building you’ll feel your soul getting ripped out of your body and everything gets dim. You’ll be standing there wondering if you just got kissed by a goddamn Dementor when really *gasp* you’re in Hell.
4.) You’re forced to exercise your sins away:
If there are elevators anywhere in McBryde, they’re hidden where no one can find them. And we’re left to do nothing but climb flights and flights of stairs, even though we just finished hiking all the way to McBryde in the first place. It’s the pure work of the Devil.
3.) You’re literally never meant to escape:
You can probably go up to any senior inside of McBryde, point to the nearest exit, and ask them if they know what’s on the outside of that door. And they’ll probably guess incorrectly because McBryde is a maze and it’s a maze on purpose so that we’re all trapped there together for the rest of our unfulfilling lives.
2.) The variety of classes held inside is ridiculous:
We can only imagine that the first layer of Hell would have the weirdest variety of people living in it. And that’s exactly why it’s such a “coincidence” that all of the classes in McBryde just so happen to be the most random ones. Hell clearly takes people from all majors.
1.) You’re so close to freedom and yet just far enough away:
If you can’t practically smell the fried chicken from Firegrill, you’re definitely longing for the bus stop that lies just outside of McBryde’s walls. All you want in this world, your own slices of heaven, are kept at a cruel distance.
Don’t know about you guys, but we think we’ve made a compelling case here. This is McBryde’s Hell and we’re all just the sorry suckers living inside of it. The next time we see people handing out pocket-sized bibles on the Drillfield, we’re probably going to grab a few extras.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.