Frat parties are nothing without the women, but too often they feel that they have to dress like an office worker in an amateur porn to match the CEOs and office hoes theme. Instead of making the women feel like something to be stared at while you awkwardly sip your lukewarm Natty, here are five alternative party themes:
5.) Music fests and big chests:
At first glance this theme may come as a shock, but you can rest easy. The respectable women are expected to relive their summer days at Coachella and Lollapalooza while the men can flex their gargantuan pecs, because we’re expecting the big chests to refer to the dudes, right?
4.) Nuns & Huns:
Men, get out your fifth century eastern Asian armor because you just watched Mulan and you can feel the girl power running through your veins. Nothing says “I respect you” more than imitating an entire warrior clan that was wiped out by a girl with some fireworks. And of course, the women should dress modestly to avoid wandering eyes. Nuns are the epitome of modesty and purity.
3.) Feminist icons and monster pythons:
This theme exudes big dick energy, while also showing the women that you respect the struggles they endure every day. For a couples idea, going as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the show’s creator, Joss Whedon, would be an excellent idea. Buffy kicks ass while maintaining her femininity, and Joss’s monster python was so big he could fit it in more women than just his wife.
2.) 50 shades of her way:
There’s no place for kink shaming here. While many guys like to dominate, some would rather be humiliated. At this party, the women have all the power. If God is a woman, she better be the Old Testament type who commands and punishes. An Adam always needs his vengeful Eve. Embarrass me, Mommy.
1.) Kick flips and more than just birthing hips:
He was a sk8er boi, she said see you l8r boy because I’m more than an object built to birth your children. Vans, Thrasher merch, and Monster energy drinks are the recommended attire for this funky get down that shows that girls can shred the gnar just as well the boys. Totally rad.
Good luck this year, party-goers. May your weekends be filled with wholesome gatherings and chaperoned sock hops.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.