With football season winding down, so does the unfortunate closing of tailgating season time that is loved and revered by all Hokies equally. Center Street tailgates are a trademark during any football season. So when your parents are visiting this weekend or even next semester, please take them to Center Street and allow them to witness for themselves how their hard earned money is actually fueling your alcoholic tendencies.
5.) Music choice:
We know Hokies are bumpin’ on Center Street during tailgating season and parents love the music choices that the DJs of Center implement during game day. Although “Enter Sandman” is a staple in Lane territory, parents would much rather hear crowd favorites like Juicy J’s “Scholarship” featuring A$AP. Parents love knowing their daughters are twerkin in the splitz because they need some extra cash to pay for college wit. “I’m tryna pay your student loans,” tell your dad that you will get a little financial aid from your boiiii Juicy J and keep practicing those freaky twerk moves on Center please, we would hate it if you lost your scholarship because you can’t twerk in the splits.
4.) Free food:
Center Street is truly the American dream: football and free food. Could Hokies seriously ask for more? There is so much food around Center Street, especially when they throw a raging tailgate with assorted meats. The guy who is the all time BEST is the random man that has a hot dog cart in the middle of the tailgate and is selling weenies for two bucks a pop. I get it man, supply and demand, now that is the American dream but come on, we’re all Hokies here. Can’t even give my mother a sizzling weiner free of charge? Parents love the competitive weenie salesman and get this, they love it even more when he doesn’t have venmo.
3.) Public urination:
Center Street is notorious for their lovely bathrooms and they are called the great outdoors because so many Hokies have taken it upon themselves to make nature their bathroom while tailgating. Parents love, love, love seeing your willis and doodle berries in public while you’re intoxicated self makes a spectacle. Every Hokie is well aware of that bamboo forest that is essentially a public restroom. Well don’t show it to your mom because there are definitely no Panda Bears residing in there; just some hokies that’re attending to their business.
Parents honestly are embarrassed for you when they seen you on Center Street getting a public urination charge, that’s child’s play. They want to see you vomiting everywhere whilst the tailgate rages on around you. Honestly, dear old dad would be humiliated if you decided to stop drinking because you “felt ill,” don’t be wimp. Pull trig and let the good times roll. Your mom would say let the devil out of you son and encourage your projectile vomiting because she is just so supportive. The only thing parents love seeing more during tailgate season than their own child puking is him puking with friends. There’s nothing quite like having a solid support team and Hokie parents honestly just get that.
1.) Dead Hokie walking:
This is the ultimate thing that parents look forward to while going to a tailgate on Center. In fact, if they do not witness the dead Hokie walking, did you even go to Center? I think not. Dads and especially moms, love the kid in the corner of the tailgate that is so inebriated that he can barely stand. Maybe he’s being held up by friends, maybe he’s sitting down but he is most definitely slumped. This kid is probably bent at a really weird angle if he’s down for the count and your parents will most likely want to check his pulse! But all is good in the neighborhood and your parents will simply overlook this kid and keep raging face.
If your parents enjoy the things above as much as you do, please take them to a Center Street tailgate! They are in for quite the Hokie treat! Roll Hokies!
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