Are you tired of spending money every weekend on booze and Uber rides home? Does your liver need a detox? Or are you just feeling a bit frisky and particularly rambunctious because we have one day of classes left before a week of freedom? Whether you answered yes or no, we have some pretty inventive ways to get your ass kicked out of Big Al’s this Thursday night and get you one step closer to achieving your goals.
7.) Fall asleep at the bar:
You had a long week of exams and you’re just trying to let loose at Big Al’s, but after your third vodka soda it starts to catch up with you. You just rest your eyes for a moment or so and next thing you know, you’re getting violently shaken and told to leave. You attempt to convince the bartender that he has simply caught you in a blink but to no avail. Oh well Sleeping Beauty, to TOTS it is.
6.) Start a dramatic bar fight:
Convince your significant other that some guy just walked by and smacked those Hokie hot cakes. This will be sure to start a testosterone fueled fight and watch the fists fly. Just be sure to step out of the ring unless you want a nice shiner. Maybe get them to play “Eye of The Tiger” or something as you and your motley crew are escorted out of the bar.
5.) Pay your tab with Monopoly money
It’s all fun and games at Al’s when you’re buying drinks for friends racking up an enormous bill. Yeah sure just put it on my tab, tequila shots for everyone until that fateful time of 1:30 AM A.K.A the worst time on earth: Big Al’s last call. You have to close your tab, but all those drinks have added up and your card gets denied. Hold up, you have some monopoly money. Throw it on the bar and sprint toward the exit and hope you don’t eat it down the stairs. Do not pass go and do not collect 200 dollars because your ass is definitely blacklisted from Als.
4.) Smuggle in your own handle of Burnett’s
College kids are balling on a budget everyone knows that and there is nothing more that Hokies love than a bargain, which is a handle of Burnett’s for 16 doll hairs. That’s America baby. Unfortunately, Big Al’s did not take too kindly to students ripping pulls of a $16 handle in the women’s restroom to avoid racking up the tab at the bar. Invent the Future? I guess that motto is dead and so are your chances of be allowed back into Big Al’s.
3.) Throw up anywhere, on someone preferably:
You just took a tequila shot and it definitely did not settle well. You have stomach issues; we’ve all been there. And Als is so packed that getting to the bathroom is one hell of a mission. You attempt to push through the crowd, but it’s become too late. It’s happening and it’s projectile. Right on to some innocent Hokie bystander. Bye to you because you are outta there for good.
2.) Urinate under the bar:
You just had three G&Ts and the line for the bathroom is absurd. You have to go to the bathroom so you start doing a little dance and crossing your legs to delay the inevitable. You think no one at the bar will notice that you have just relieved yourself under it, but it is pretty obvious. Did you have asparagus or something for dinner? You for sure are kicked out and what a shame that you ruined a poor girl’s brand new booties.
1.) Try to shave Cheerio’s beard:
Like Big Al’s in downtown, Cheerio himself is part of the infamous brand and a household name in the ‘Burg. The one thing that may be more signature than Cheerio himself is his fabulous, flowing, beard. If you attempt to take a pair of clippers to this beautiful beard, I can guarantee you that you will forever be banned and may even be expelled from school.
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