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8 Ways to Convince People You’re the Hokie Bird This April Fool’s Day

Spring is (slowly) making its way to Blacksburg, your motivation is slipping away from you every minute you spend out in the sun, and you’d rather do anything than your assignments that are due this week. We feel you. To top it all off, April Fool’s Day is drawing closer and closer, and your mind is exploding with the possible pranks you can pull on everyone around you. To help you with that, we came up with 8 ways to convince people you’re really, truly, honestly the Hokie Bird mascot.

8.) Plant clues:
Conveniently plant maroon feathers in your hair, all over your clothes, and in your notebooks. When people ask what it is or where it’s from, wink and tell them you’re a “real natural” when it comes to covering yourself in Hokie spirit.

7.) Point out statues:
The Gobble de Art Hokie Bird statues are all over Blacksburg, from next to the Math Empo to outside of Sharkey’s. Ask people walking by if your face looks similar to the ones on these Hokie Bird statues. Insist that the resemblance is uncanny.

6.) Gobble Gobble:
If there’s one thing a Hokie Bird mascot should know how to do well, it’s gobbling. Practice your gobble day and night to ensure that you’ve got it down perfectly. If your friends wonder about your constant gobbling, ask them if it would make sense for basketball players to not practice free throws. Roll your eyes for dramatic effect.

5.) Do the Hokie Pokie:
If you’re at a party or a ring dance that isn’t actually cancelled, bust out the Hokie Pokie during every song to show everyone what it’s really all about. Wiggle your tail feather and really sell it, so there’ll be no denying the truth about your double-life.

4.) Get gameday ready:
Whenever there’s a sporting event, do your best to make sure you tell everyone you know that you’ll be there. There are only 2 people spirited enough to attend every single Hokie event; VT Parent-leader Dee Dee, and the HokieBird.

3.) Lie, lie, and lie again:
Tell people a “fun fact”, like how the Hokie Bird mascot needs to know exactly how many Hokie Stone bricks are a part of every building on campus. Then casually let them know that the Moss Arts Center has approximately 2,512 Hokie Stone bricks.

2.) Buy the costume:
Order a Hokie Bird costume online and you’re good to go. Casually leave it on your couch so that whenever people come over you can pretend to be shocked at your own carelessness for leaving it out.

1.) Relate to other double-lives:
Let others catch you watching Hannah Montana on the daily, sighing every time Miley struggles with not revealing her secret identity. Become so engrossed that you almost convince yourself that you really are the Hokie Bird.

The person underneath the mascot is never really thought about, so how hysterical would it be if you could successfully convince people it’s you? There’s no harm done and you’ll get a kick out of procrastinating from your actual responsibilities.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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