Dear President Sands, we have a bone to pick.
But first, let it be clear that this is no comical shtick.
We wrote you a poem and you left us on read,
And for that, we present you another rhyming thread.
Mr. President, there is one thing that has got us really stressin’.
We don’t want to have to break up one of your 6 a.m. ball sessions.
So if you would put our minds to ease and get our nerves again on track
Could you answer us one thing: why did you never tweet us back?
It was a sunny Monday morning at 11:05,
That’s when a tweet of the poem with your handle went live.
We did a little investigating, you thought you were discrete;
But we hate to break it to you Sands, we got your receipt.
We noticed you retweeted a tweet from 4 p.m. –
Something about a school of medicine, it was honestly quite dim.
Then came a tweet about –you guessed it! Valentine’s Day.
Hokie-themed V-Day cards, because that’s not lame.
How timely? How cute?
How still no mention of our poetry debut?
No quote tweet, no like, not even a mention.
It really makes us wonder what it takes to get your attention.
We held our breath, “Give him a week,” we were told,
Well shit, Sandsman, the thing is now seven days old!
And now Valentine’s Day is over, it’s all too late.
And the words in that poem, well they’re a little out of date.
But if you happen to see this poem floating around in Burruss,
Don’t get annoyed all because we picked up a Thesaurus,
And threw copies of this poem up and down the stair cases,
Through the auditorium and in other various places.
Now listen, Sandy Man, you probably won’t acknowledge this either,
And the last thing we want to do is seem like a bunch of mouth breathers.
So we’ll leave you with this:
And this isn’t a diss –
Just a friendly reminder –parking sucks dick.
**UPDATE: Sands did reply to us this time:
How do you feel about the trash dove?