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We Dressed Up Like Townies And Went To A Townie Bar: Here’s What Happened

Let’s be honest, the Blacksburg bar and club scene could be a lot better. There are probably, like, three bars here that are actually good. Popular bars among students range from TOTS to Hokie House to Sharkey’s, but what about the bars that aren’t populated by drunk 21 year-old students? What about the bars that the *shudders* townies go to? 

The arrival:
We rolled up to the joint at an early 7 p.m. to make sure we beat the crowd. The place was empty except a man and a woman playing darts during an awkward first date. The music was not bumping. 

The vibe:
Outfits for the night included unshaven faces. For the ladies, unshaven legs were also accepted. It’s also best to wear boots, hiking or combat. Cowboy boots would be a bold move, but it could pay off in the end depending on the drinks you order. Flannels over band shirts from the 70s would be the big power play here. 

No Juuls, only cigs:
These college kids come into town with their newfound nicotine toys. There’s a new vape thingy out every week! Not here, though. The name of the game is cigs only. Cigs inside, cigs outside, as many cigs as you could ever want. Fun fact: townies are immune to lung cancer. 

They play rugby?:
After we had been sitting for a while and ordered our food and drinks, the rugby team showed up. Not a Virginia Tech rugby team, mind you, but a co-ed squad from the townie league. Things started getting rowdy. 

Darts, fuckin’ darts everywhere:
The music picked up and suddenly the darts started flying. The man and woman on the awkward date weren’t awkward anymore since everyone joined in on their dart game. (The man was winning, and he continued to play by himself after the woman left for a 10-minute bathroom break.) 

If it seems like nothing really happened here, it’s because that’s true. Do yourself a favor and don’t go to townie bars. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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