BLACKSBURG, VA – Earlier this month Virginia Tech announced that the Carilion School of Medicine is their newest official college. Randy Schladter, an engineering student at Tech, has taken issue with the announcement.
“I fully expect a turf war to break out,” remarked Schladter, fiddling with an unsolved Rubik’s Cube. “I had a dream, actually, about this very thing happening. The medical students come in and they ruin the natural order of things.”
The fidgeting intensified. His fingers delicately turned the the sides of the cube as if it were his first time trying to undo a bra strap.
“Doctors are always in the spotlight, while the engineers are hidden behind the curtains of rockstar CEOs and pretty PR faces,” His face scrunched up into a scowl and he slammed the cube, now solved, onto the table in front of him in what seemed like a well-rehearsed dramatic gesture. “How am I supposed to complain about having the most homework when we are about to have med students parading around campus?”
When Tom Keys, an incoming freshman of the new Carilion college, heard the concerns of Schladter and other engineers, his only response was “Bet,” followed by a laugh.
Schladter has already begun searching for allies in his fight against the medical students.
“We already have math and physics students joining our Facebook group dedicated to destroying the med students,” said Schladter. “As a STEM community we need to stand our ground as the prime-time nerds around this place.”
From his posts in the “DOWN WITH VT MED” Facebook group, Randy Schladter seems deeply disturbed and highly volatile. Avoid him at all costs.
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