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‘Heart and the Fist’ Author Indicted on Charges of Invasion of Privacy in Turner Line

Missouri governor and author of the 2014-2017 Virginia Tech Common Book, ‘The Heart and the Fist’, was indicted Thursday, February 22 and charged with a first-degree felony of invasion of privacy. The charges were pressed after the governor, Eric Greitens, was allegedly standing too close for comfort to a Hokie in the Qdoba line in Turner’s.

“People always stand way too close to you in the Qdoba line,” the victim, who wishes to stay anonymous, told The Black Sheep, “but I was having to tuck in my butt so I wouldn’t accidentally rub against his leg or something.”

Although eyewitnesses have confirmed the allegations, Greitens denied the crime but did admit to making a “personal mistake.” The St. Louis Circuit court has since launched a formal investigation, which we can only assume consists of reviewing security camera footage inside of Turner’s Place and the interviewing eyewitnesses. Virginia Tech officials have yet to make an official statement.

The university has received many complaints about the tight spaces the dining halls provide for their queues to form and has attempted to relieve much of the dining hall traffic by introducing the “Tapingo” feature last year. However, food service employees have reported that the app only creates more lines and more confusion when it comes to food orders and how to pronounce “Tapingo”. Virginia Tech officials would like to point out that they tried, but they’re too busy expanding the airport runway and creating drone cages for their robot student population.

Hokies are fully confident that this case will bring awareness to the importance of personal space while standing in food lines and will be the first step in eliminating future invasions of privacy in Virginia Tech dining halls.

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