Last week, the Junior class got to enjoy the time-honored tradition of attending Ring Premiere here at Virginia Tech. Ring Premiere is a magical night where poor college students are shown pictures of mostly ugly rings that they don’t really like, but feel obligated to purchase as a way to remember their time here at Tech forever. This year, however, the Hokie pride became overwhelming for one student, ultimately changing him forever, as he began to morph into the Hokie Bird.
“We were all sitting on the Pylons watching the firework show when it happened. Nobody knew what to think, one second he was smiling and cheering and the next he started to sprout feathers from his neck,” junior Rose Lennick said about the ordeal, “It was so bizarre.”
The junior in question, Colby Dechman, is currently in complete denial that anything strange has happened to him.
“Gobble, gobble, gobble, GOBBLE!” Dechman said as he karate kicked into a split.
Dechman is experiencing something Virginia Tech hasn’t seen in years, but is not entirely uncommon at a school with so much school pride and an overall atmosphere of good feelings.
“We’ve had this problem once or twice before. A student will be attending something special and unique to Virginia Tech, like Ring Dance or the Homecoming football game, and all of the sudden they’ll begin gobbling and giving high fives. The worst part is their feet will start growing to fit into the oversized shoes the Hokie Bird wears, very painful and potentially unfixable,” the Junior class administrator said.
Now, Dechman is walking around campus proposing to random females and playing over-sized golf in the library. The disruption is cause for concern for some, who find the human Hokie bird hybrid disturbingly creepy.
“He’s always touching us and gobbling in our ears. It’s seriously becoming too much,” Dechman’s best friend Cameron Bean said.
Until a cure can be found, Dechman is doomed (or delighted) to walk around campus spreading school cheer for all to hear. Take his rare case as a warning, and beware of Hokie Pride Syndrome.
Is there actual crack in Pumpkin Spice Lattes? Or is it something else?