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Junior Throws Up After ESPN Announcer Says “VA Tech” For The 20th Time

Henry Kissingirth is a man who doesn’t ask for much when watching sports.

“Some chips and dip, a heated butt pad, and a handle of Burnett’s is all I usually need,” the junior political science major told us.

So why was Kissingirth found passed out, face down in his own vomit by his roommates in the wee hours of Tuesday morning? Was it the Hokie plague? No – it was actually the announcers calling the recent Tech game who were at fault. They continually referred to Virginia Tech as “VA Tech,” a moniker that has become a sort of slur to some. Kissingirth, apparently, had a bad reaction somewhere near the 10-minute mark of the second quarter.

Kissingirth had issue with the name because it “literally sounds like you are clearing your throat to spit.” He also believes there is some sort of anti-Virginia Tech bias going on at ESPN. “We aren’t Duke or UNC, so they don’t even try to get our name right. Like, they must have production meetings. There is no way they aren’t doing this on purpose.”

Kissingirth was so enraged that he decided to email the administration over the matter. Apparently, some higher ups agreed with Kissingirth’s complaint because the following email was sent to ESPN:

It has come to our attention that you have continually managed to disparage our name on the national stage. It is frankly appalling, and we wish that you would stop. This sort of behavior will drive students away from applying from our great institution and that would mean more available parking.

We think that tribulations create good, community minded students, so you can see how more parking would actually hurt them in the long run. Do it again and we’ll send the Hokie Bird.

As for Kissingirth, it appears that he’ll be ok. He says he is a very diplomatic person and didn’t want to start any problems, but is glad that the ordeal is getting the coverage it needs.

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