Chances are, you’ve already started chugging your beer in anticipation for the first away game on Saturday against Ohio State. Away football games are a confusing time for us Hokies (no “Enter Sandman”?), and we think a drinking game is in order so you can take full advantage of staying completely trashed during a game, since The Man says you “can’t drink in Lane Stadium” whether they’re home or away.
What you’ll need:
All the Natty Light you can fit into one shopping cart and a high-intensity liquor of your choice. Our favorite variety is “I found this in the freezer and I know I didn’t pay for it, so let’s get an early start before anyone notices.”
Number of players:
Ideally, everyone you know. Hopefully that includes your weird 2nd cousin (a Buckeye fan) who doesn’t understand sports much, but you can haze him for telling your grandma what you did last year on Spring Break.
Level of Intoxication:
You’ll be talking about the Hokies performance all day Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. You aren’t actually sure how they did, but everyone seems to be agreeing with you.
Drink Once If:
-Anyone at your viewing party tries to get “Enter Sandman” going in the living room (drink once per person that involves themselves).
– A freshman texts you asking if you remember what channel the game is on in the Pritchard lounge.
– You can’t figure out what channel the game is on yourself.
– A close-up of a cheerleader who’s way too hot for you is on the screen. Drink again if this makes you feel sad for some reason.
– A commentator mentions how young the Hokies are this year (younger than you, probably, drink again).
Drink Twice If:
-The Hokies get a first down.
– The Hokies get a second down.
– The Hokies get a third down.
– The Hokies get a fourth down.
(The point here is to be drunk. if you’re thinking this is a little excessive, you’re right.)
– Michael Brewer pulls off a play that Logan Thomas fucked up anytime in the past 3 years. Get ready to drink yourself into oblivion.
– The girl sitting next to you asks “What does that mean again?” after any of the above occur.
Finish your drink if:
– Either team gets a touchdown. This is either celebratory if it’s the Hokies, or mandatory so you don’t remember losing if it’s the home team.
– One of your redneck friends says “Bucky Hodges,” and for a moment, you feel as though you’ve been transported to the middle of the woods in Alabama instead of Blacksburg.
– If we’re playing Ohio State or Miami, finish your drink whenever the Hokies get ahead. If we’re playing anyone else, finish your drink whenever we’re behind.
– During commercial breaks, chug your beer for the entire duration of any commercial that isn’t for beer. Continue every commercial until you think that you’re actually present at the game.
– Take a shot for every text or picture you receive from a friend who is actually present at the game.
– Chug the drink of the girl next to you if after the first quarter, she hasn’t caught onto the drinking game and continues to ask, “What does that mean again?” After you’ve finished the drink, hand her the cup back and find a new seat in the room/house.
When all is said and done, take an entire bottle of Advil check the score again the morning after (since you probably won’t remember). That way you’ll sound like you know what you’re talking about. Just don’t barf on your way to the computer.