Are you struggling to wake up for class? Do you feel nauseous and disoriented? Do you reek of beer, sex, and shame? If you answered “yes” to these questions, you’re either hungover or pregnant (or both). Fortunately, if it’s just a hangover, The Black Sheep is here to help. Hangovers suck, but they seem to be significantly more debilitating if you try to endure them in a lecture hall. So if you’re one to partake in Thirsty Thursday, Tots Tuesday, or I-Stopped-Giving-A-Fuck Monday, here are the top five ways to cure the next day’s hangover before going to class.
5.) Eat something dairy. Nothing keeps the vomit down better than a thick and creamy dairy product. Grab some chunky yogurt and break out the milk you forgot was sitting in the back of your fridge. Stomach those and you’ll be on your feet in no time. (For best results, blend all available dairy products together and drink it all as fast as you can.)
4.) Go running. If you’re rolling around in a hungover stupor on your floor, use that energy for some rigorous exercise instead. Go for a run or even sprint straight to class. The more movement you engage in, the more likely your headache and nausea will subside. Then you’re guaranteed to be hangover-free and on time for class.
3.) Stare at the sun. Sunlight is a great, natural remedy for a hangover. It’s best to stare directly into the sun and let its rays penetrate your corneas. The light goes straight to your head and eliminates any pain you may be experiencing. You want the full effect, so there’s no need to wear sunglasses.
2.) Take uppers. If the previous night’s drinking has you waking up in a fog, try taking uppers. Whether you’re popping an Addy, chugging a Red Bull, or railing some coke, putting stimulants into your system is sure to get you ready for the day. (A hangover from substance abuse can best be cured by more substance abuse.)
1.) Keep drinking. Perhaps the most effective way to handle a hangover is to stop it before it even starts. First thing in the morning, pour yourself a few shots and maintain your drunken state. It is even advised that you never actually stop drinking, because if you do, the cumulative hangover might literally kill you — and that, friends, is the slippery slope to alcoholism.
If you don’t want to wait until the weekend to party, don’t let classes keep you from drinking during the week. Just keep these five hangover cures in mind and you’ll never feel sick in the classroom again.