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Virginia Tech Cadets Pursue Enlistment in Trump’s Space Force

Last week President Donald Trump expressed his interest in starting the United States Space Force, and cadets from Virginia Tech are already fighting for a chance to enlist the first Space Cadets.

“I don’t wake up before dawn to be publicly hazed every day in front of the entire student body for nothing,” remarked one cadet who wishes to remain nameless. “This is a once in a lifetime chance to prove what we do is meaningful. Look at it this way. The enemy is already scared of us, and our intimidation techniques can be seen in action whenever we march across the Drillfield. Students always scurry out of the way for us.”

The cadet, dressed in the typical fatigues, proceeded to choke down a hard-boiled egg in a single bite. His fifth in the last three minutes.

“We may not be the most discreet at what we do,” added the anonymous cadet with a full mouth. “Hell, you can hear us all the way across campus, but there’s no sound in space. And it’s dark. That’s optimal stealth conditions.”

Dennis Filman, a professor in the aerospace engineering department and VTCC alum, offered his own opinion on the Space Force.

“I already consider our Corps as the sixth branch of the military,” remarked Filman. “It’s a shame, really, that Virginia’s finest young men and women aren’t given the credit they are due from the higher-ups in the White House. If something like the Space Force is to succeed, it’ll only succeed through the discipline and determination exhibited by our prideful Hokies.”

New training regiments have already been added to the daily corps workouts such as simulated zero-gravity jousting in the War Memorial pools. The Virginia Tech administration has sent multiple letters and emails to military recruiters and even the White House, but they have yet to receive any replies.

 

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