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Virginia Tech’s Top Secret, Secretest Secret Menu

Where does Tim Sands keep the Sorcerer’s Stone, or what exactly is under the Drillfield and why do we keep getting yelled out every time we try to dig it up? These are only a few of VT’s mysteries, but the biggest mysteries of them all are these three foods on the Virginia Tech secret menu. 

Lucky Parm:

Initial thoughts:
Who ever said the Irish never contributed anything to the culinary world? This spin on every Hokie’s favorite meal will never leave you wanting more. In fact, it’ll only leave you with a deep sense of regret and mild nausea. Some students prefer to include the crappy Cheerio things for the added crunch, but most just pick the marshmallows out like how a normal person eats Lucky Charms. 

Rating: 4.5/10

The Sunken Donut: 

Initial thoughts:
Grandpappy always used to say, “If there’s a hole, fill it to the brim, and then some!” This fishy feast takes Grandpappy’s words to heart. All it takes is any sushi roll from Turner and your choice of pastry from Dunkin’ Donuts and you have a five-star surf and turf meal. Pictured above is our interpretation, which consists of a strawberry icing with sprinkles doughnut and the vegetable roll. Soy sauce, ginger, and wasabi are optional but strongly encouraged. 

Rating: 7/10 

The Filthy Frank: 

Beamer’s legacy flows thick through Virginia Tech, and there’s no exception for The Filthy Frank. Slap a Chick-fil-A sandwich into the already stacked Fantastic Frank and you have yourself the sandwich worthy of a national championship. Frank Beamer has quoted this sandwich as being “the most abominable creation to grace God’s green Earth, second only to UVa’s football team.” Thanks, Frank! 

Rating: 10/10 

After much intensive research on the subject of the secret menu alone, it’s been determined that if you’re eating your chicken parm plain, well, you’re not taking advantage of all the amenities that VT has to offer. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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