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VT Student Still Working Out Trust Issues After Loss To ODU

Junior Frank Lemur, has reportedly developed some of the most severe trust issues to date since Virginia Tech’s loss to Old Dominion University just two weeks ago.

Lemur was reportedly kicked out of Hokie House last weekend after trying to fight another student after he asked Lemur for a “sip” of his Maroon Effect drink then proceeded to take several generous gulps instead.

“If I can’t trust VT to carry a football across the field more times than a no-name school in the game their best at, then why would I offer anyone a sip of my drink, or loan them 50 cents for a gumball?” Lemur asked after leaving the bar.

This wasn’t the first instance that we got word of Lemur’s absurd behavior. He was also reported to have caused a scene in front of Lane Stadium, shaking his head and sobbing why repeating, “Why God, why?!” over and over again, as well as having ordered a record number of 37 Fantastic Frank sandwiches from Owens in hopes that the “spirit of Beamer will bring us the saving we need.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why he’s still bringing it up,” said Lemur’s friend, Jamie Dirks. “He just keeps rehashing the awful memories, and I’m just like ‘dude, I asked if I could borrow your pencil.’ Calm down, we beat Duke it’s going to be okay.”

Several of his friends and classmates have urged Lemur to seek professional help, or at least journal his feelings every now and then instead of scaring off high schoolers on campus tour guides with his antics.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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