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VT Women’s Lacrosse Team Declares All Members Legally Colorblind

Last week a video leaked on the internet of the Virginia Tech’s Women’s, predominately white, lacrosse team dropping the n-word as they sang along to Lil Dicky’s “Freaky Friday” after one of their games.

Though the lacrosse team has received flack for their video, the team claims that they really didn’t do anything wrong, as all members of the team “are legally colorblind.”

“Look, how can I be racist? Like I can’t even tell the difference between fuchsia and magenta, everyone looks like gray blobs of slightly different levels of attractiveness. I can’t even tell if I’m white or black” said an anonymous member of the lacrosse team, who wore a plaid Vineyard Vines baseball cap and a Reagan-Bush ‘84 crop-top from Urban Outfitters.

“Where are our first amendment rights? Like hello, Lil Dicky and Chris Brown switch places in the video, and Chris told Lil Dicky that he could say the N-word, so, it’s like, racism is totally over. Plus, we didn’t use the hard r, so it’s totally okay.”

“I’m very knowledgeable about the so-called ‘racism’ in this situation,” states the member of the team who posted the video on Snapchat. “ But I have two adopted chocolate labs, so I can’t be racist. I call them my Black Airbuds, because I heard that black dogs can jump higher than other dogs,” she said. “Not that I can tell, of course, because I’m like, super colorblind. And,” she continues hear after a brief intermission. “I was friends with the only black kid in my high school. But I didn’t know he was black, until we started applying for colleges.”

Records from the lacrosse team’s physician confirm that 80% of the team is, in fact, colorblind. This crippling disability cannot be discounted; it affects almost 90% of dogs all across the country.

In response to the allegations that the lacrosse team doesn’t have a lot of diversity, the coaches claimed that they are trying their “dardnest to recruit more African-American players, but those people seem to not like us so much.”

If you or a loved one struggle with colorblindness, please contact your local doctor, or check your privilege. 

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