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10 Organizations at UVa That You Will Never Get Into

It’s that time of year again. Your Facebook notifications are blowing up with invites to information sessions for clubs that have already rejected you twice. For those of you who are just entering the hallowed halls of Mr. Jefferson’s university, please let The Black Sheep give you a leg up. If you’re dazzled by the endless opportunities and want to continue your streak from high school of being president of everything, you might want to avoid these 10 self-proclaimed “prestigious” organizations that will take your little ambitious heart and crush it to the ground.

10.) Student Council:
Student government: the unhidden gem of UVa. A popularity contest, your internship with the Department of Commerce doesn’t mean shit when it comes to student council elections.

9.) Honor Committee:
In case you haven’t noticed, UVa takes the Honor Code very seriously. Remember that time you were six and lied to your mom about taking the last cookie from the cookie jar? Honor knows about it and refuses to accept people who have no respect for integrity. We hope that cookie was worth it.

8.) Alternative Spring Break:
You volunteer your limited time on break, offer to pay money, and are even willing to build houses for goodness sakes, and ASB is still too good for you. You may be able to snag a spot to Wichita, Kansas…if you’re lucky.

7.) Camp Kesem:
Camp Kesem…more like Camp Kiss ‘Em Asses, because the only way you are going to be a counselor is if you already know someone in it and have sucked up until your lips fall off.

6.) Hoo Crew:
Never mind that you’ve been to every single UVa sporting event, camped out all night at JPJ for College Gameday, and even suffered through field hockey games to get Sabre Points, the Hoo Crew still doesn’t want you.

5.) Club Sport:
Even though you may have been the captain of varsity soccer in high school, you’re not good enough to make the club team. Try intramural inner tube water polo; they’re always looking for athletic enthusiasts.

4.) Greek Life:
They say UVa is only 30% Greek, but we think that’s just a hoax to get people to rush so that the sororities and fraternities can reject them just for funsies. Say goodbye to the sisters and brothers that you always wanted.

3.) UGuides/Orientation Leaders/ Resident Advisors:
Since pretty much the same people are in all three, we thought we would put all of these wonderfully exclusive and entitled organizations under the same umbrella. If you aren’t from out of state or a special snowflake that will give the university a good image, don’t bother.  

2.) A Cappella Group:
A Cappella is so competitive at UVa that they actually made an anti-a cappella group, called “The Virginia No Tones,” for bad singers that still cuts people from their auditions… for being too good.

1.) Secret Society:
The mother of all exclusive organizations. Secret societies are so above everyone else, that you don’t even know who some of the members are until they die. If you purposefully seek it out, we can pretty much guarantee you won’t be one of the “chosen ones.”

If you’re at all interested in the above-mentioned organizations, you should really reevaluate your life. Don’t worry, there are still plenty of options for you to find your niche at school. Try Archery Club. Or Scrabble Club. Maybe?

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