UVa students love nothing more than a good resume. They will join random CIOs, take on more internships than any sane person can handle, and subject themselves to the horrible world of the McIntire School of Commerce all in the name of resume. But the one weakness Wahoos tend to have, is that they’ve never worked a day in their fucking lives. So, how do people account for what some would consider to be a pretty big hole in experience? By lying their asses off.
5.) “A great deal of leadership skills”:
If by leadership skills you mean leading your drunk friends home from bars, then everyone here has leadership skills. Also, you may not realize this, but we do. This is just a much nicer way of saying you’re bossy.
4.) “Experience in food services”:
Hate to break it to you, but volunteering with Pancakes for Parkinson’s for two hours on a Saturday doesn’t exactly count as a ‘job.’ Yes, pancakes are ‘food’ and yes, you did serve them, but so did every other first year who got harassed at the club fair.
3.) “Proficient marketing skills”:
Creating a Facebook event for your friend’s 21st birthday party counts as digital marketing skills, doesn’t it? Not only did you have to find the right ugly Snapchat photo to use as a cover, but you also had to invite like 10 people! That’s a lot of work!
2.) “Sorority sunshine committee”:
The only thing sorority girls love more than glitter is committees. There is a bullshit committee for everyone, and most of them do absolutely nothing except convincing people the sun shines our of their ass.
1.) “Student Government member”:
It’s super impressive to say that you are a part of the body that creates the rules of the university. It’s less impressive when you remember that everyone at UVa is technically apart of the governing body.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.