Virginia is the type of school where alcohol runs through every student’s veins, and you realize that replacing your eight glasses of water with eight glasses of vodka is a valid life choice. But there is one problem with our beloved university: a lack of access to alcohol. There are simply not enough places for students to get their fix! So here’s a list of suggested places where we can mend this travesty.
Yes, we all know that Crossroads used to sell alcohol, but look, it doesn’t anymore and we’re having a really hard time swallowing that. Imagine how much money they would make if they sold booze? It’d be a perfect pit stop for first years on the way back to dorms: grab a greasy slice of pizza and a beer to maintain your buzz! Easy.
They already have an essential monopoly on the UVa breakfast market, imagine adding mimosas to the mix? Sure, they close before 5 o’clock whenever they decide they don’t want to work anymore, but the pre-pre-pre games that could be held there would be amazing. What’s better than a bagel? A bagel washed down with a nice cold beer, that’s what.
Drinking games for Clem would include: taking a shot every time you question your classes/major/college, shotgun a beer for every person that mentally breaks down (and take another shot if its on Clem 1), and drink an entire fifth if you manage to finish all your work because at that point you deserve it. Sure we can play all of these now, just would be a whole lot easier if Clem, ya know, sold the booze.
2.) The Rotunda:
Why does the Rotunda not feature a bar? It would be such a classy place! Imagine sipping a gin and tonic and looking out over the Lawn at 2 a.m. Oh the (naked) people you’ll see! And, in the typical UVa spirit of exclusivity, the bar will only be open to students whose resumés have been thoroughly vetted.
1.) UTS busses:
If they’re going to be less reliable than that frat boy you hooked up with last Thursday, they should be offering you more alcohol than he did.
Basically, what were getting at is Charlottesville needs a lot more liquor than it’s currently offering us. Take note Bodo’s, and get to work submitting that application for a liquor license.
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