Tonight we take on our first real basketball team; Ohio State in the ACC/Big 10 Challenge. Now that we’ve got the Emerald Coast Classic under our belt (not that we were ever worried Providence would run away with it), it’s time to move on to some real ball. We’re confident our guys will have no problem taking out the Buckeyes, but it never hurts to make sure the Ohio State feels the heat. Here are just a few ways to creatively scream at the other guys from the stands of JPJ.
5.) Make Fun of Their Coach:
His name is Thad. That’s just Chad with a lisp. Thad Matta has done a better job than the Buckeyes’ previous coach Jim O’Brien (who was fired for NCAA violations), but it wasn’t enough when they took on the Hoos last year at the challenge and lost. And to make mattas worse, when it comes to looks he pales in comparison to the Tony Bennett.
4.) Make Fun of Their Mascot:
THEIR MASCOT IS A GIANT NUT. His name is Brutus and he wears a hoodie. They’ve pretty much taken care of all the embarrassing here, but please don’t let them forget it. If you’ve never seen the Buckeyes’ mascot before, imagine an acorn atop a mascot’s puffy body plastered with a big ol’ gooby midwestern smile. It’s as creepy as it is ridiculously stupid to be cheered on by a nut, but as we previously mentioned Jim O’Brien was their coach for quite some time.
3.) Use Regular Insults with ‘The’ Stressed in Front:
Having “the” in the title of your school is the stupidest shit we’ve ever heard. OSU became The OSU to make it stand out. If you’re not already referred to as THE OSU because there are others that you may be confused with, perhaps just consider a new nickname altogether. Stop trying to make THE a thing. It’s not a thing. It’s sad and lame. So try a new spin on the traditional insults yelled at opponents and call Ohio State THE dumbest school in the Midwest, THE worst team we’ve ever hosted at JPJ, or THE worst thing since sliced bread.
2.) Make Fun of Their Rank:
Go check the AP Standings, we’ll wait. Now go check the USA Today standings, we’ve got time. Did you see Ohio State? Check again. Oh yeah, they’re not there. Nope, they’re not even ranked. During your perusing of the list you surely saw Virginia, but you certainly did not come across the Buckeyes. That’s because they’re not in the Top 25 despite being in a conference that stands a chance competing with the best of em’, namely the ACC. Even Brutus wouldn’t take a stab at playing the Hoos, so we’re not sure why Ohio State is going to try.
1.) Make Fun of Their Players:
This is predictable, but unavoidable. It doesn’t get any easier or take any less preparatory research than to get to the game, scramble to your seat you got late because you’re entry Group 7, and size up their players. Just take a look at their team. There are two guys who are 6’1″, and yeah that’s pretty short! Expecto Patronum Number 0, Micah Potter. One guy’s last name is Funderburk, you know what rhymes with Funderburk? Thundersmirk, Dunderwerk, Munderkirk, and a billion other made up words. Get creative and make us proud!
Seems to us that THE Ohio State has a lot for us to talk about, so hurry up and get chatty cause the game is only a couple days away!
Sure, we’ve all got D.A.D.S., just not the kind you might be thinking of: