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6 Reasons Tony Bennett and Tony Bennett are Secretly the Same Person

It’s undeniable that there’s a little confusion whenever two famous people have the same name. While the Tony Bennett would never be confused with the old man Tony Bennett walking around Grounds or to any dedicated college sports fans, Google searches as well as talking to your uninformed relatives can lead to some confusion. We could waste your time explaining to you how the two are vastly different to help you differentiate between our silver fox and that gray tortoise, but we’re gonna tell you how these two unlikely namesakes are actually the same guy.

6.) They’re Both Sex Symbols:
Unlike Bradd Pitt or Zayn, their sex appeal is a little more niche than most. They’re both celebrated not only for their talents, but for excelling in their respective fields with great looks. Our Tony is a sexy older man while the other is just old at this point, but back in his days during Prohibition or whenever he was popular, ol’ TB made the ladies swoon with that sweet, sweet croon. Yep, it rhymed.

5.) They’ve Both Toured with Divas:
Both men, while incredibly sweet, have had to deal with some real attitudes during their time. Nearly dead Tony went on tour with Lady Gaga, and though we love her, we’re sure it was a bit much traveling with someone whose wardrobe is that big. Our Tony toured around with Austin Nichols, and while we can’t really comment on his attitude…Tony did it for us. “It’s a privilege to be a part of this program, and Austin has lost that privilege….” Ouch.

4.) Our Tony’s Dad is Named Dick, the other Tony has an Uncle Named Dick:
They also both have dicks. This is starting to get really weird.

3.) They Kind of Look the Same:
Alright, hear us out, and if you squint real hard then it’s undeniable. The gray hair is an easy likeness, but consider these tidbits. They’re both always in suits, and they have that same sparkle in their eye. Never mind that one set is a beautiful brown and the other is a cloudy cataract bluish-gray.

2.) They Have a lot of Similar Interests:
Other likenesses? One of them played basketball in Cuba, the other was around for the Cuban Revolution; one of them shakes other coaches’ hands, the other just kinda shakes now; one of them sinks buckets the other stinks bedpans. The similarities are uncanny.

1.) They’re Never in the Same Place at Once:
Have you ever seen ol’ man Bennett walking his cane around at one of our basketball games? Have you ever seen UVa’s hottest coach doing a duet with Amy Winehouse? Yeah, we didn’t think so.

Believe what you want but this conspiracy is true. It’s right up there with who killed JonBenet Ramsey. Benet sounds an awful lot like Bennett, hmmmmm… 

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