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7 Thoughts Every Hoo has While Streaking the Lawn

It is only fitting that one of the most well-known UVa traditions involve running completely naked on the Lawn; because nothing says prestige quite like public nudity? As you and your friends streak across the Lawn, you’ll have several thoughts run through your head. Gaze into the inner-workings of the dark psyche of a Lawn streaker with this list courtesy of The Black Sheep:

7.) “How the hell did I end up here?”:
You’re halfway to the Homer statue when you suddenly ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?” while the tune of “Once in a Lifetime” plays through your head. You’ll also contemplate how every decision you ever made in your life led you to baring your butt on the Lawn of Virginia’s most prestigious university. 

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6.) “Are you proud yet, Mom?”:
All your life, you strived for success to impress your parents. You wanted to be the Perfect Child™ and you knew that attending the University of Virginia would be the ticket to that title. You look around as your bare feet sprint across the cold grass of the Lawn, wondering if now after all those years, mom will finally be proud of you. That’s not a tear streaking down your cheek, just sweat…right?

5.) “Fuck, I’m out of shape.”:
Yeah, you are! You figured all the walking around Grounds you do would be enough, but streaking the Lawn was like running the mile in middle school; you weren’t prepared for it then and you aren’t prepared for it now. True, it’s not your fault there’s a Five Guys in Newcomb, but it might be your fault that after two years at UVa you still cannot make it up all the stairs outside of Wilson Hall. 

4.) “Wait, which John Green novel am I in?”:
Everyone loves the romanticism of ~youth~, especially certified “teen expert” John Green is writing about it. The author, vlogger, and all around annoying asshole would jump at the chance to tell your story about how you and your misfit friends broke free from social conformity to toss your clothes in the wind and just really enjoy life! Unfortunately, taking part in a tradition is conformity in itself, but maybe that’s just the twist at the end of the novel. Ya know, like realizing that young adult fiction should’ve died back in 2011. 

3.) “Will this make me cool?”:
You were probably peer pressured into streaking the Lawn after you and your friends hit up pretty much every bar on the Corner. Obviously, you went along with it because you didn’t want to be the biggest lame-o in Charlottesville. You may feel on top of the world right now and as cool as James Dean, but you’re really more of a Michael Cera in Arrested Development

2.) “Someone should’ve been watching our clothes…”:
Congratulations, you made a huge rookie mistake in Lawn streaking; not leaving someone behind to guard your clothes. Say goodbye to your yacht shoes and pastel Vineyard Vines polo because you’ll never see them again. Though maybe you can take this time to embrace your natural nudity. Even Paul McCartney says that “you haven’t felt the rain, my friend, until you felt it running down your back,” so imagine how it’ll feel on your butt.

1.) “Why?”:
Why, like, why is this even a tradition? Why are you doing this? Why does anyone do this? The idea that running around naked on the Lawn sounded like so much fun at first, but then when you actually did it… Maybe the alcohol was wearing off and you were coming to your senses or maybe it was the feeling of your heart giving out and wheezing like a dying animal that made you question not only streaking the Lawn, but your own puny existence.

Streaking the Lawn is a unique tradition, and the second most fun thing you’ll do while naked. If you ever decide to do it yourself, take note of everything that pops into your head as your circle around Homer and back to the Rotunda. 

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