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8 Totally Real Thomas Jefferson Quotes to Help You Get Through the End of the Semester

The end of the semester can be a rough time. The weather is colder, exams are closer, and morale is lower than ever before. But, in these increasingly dark times, a beacon of light shines through. Our dear founder, Thomas No Middle Name Jefferson, has some totally real, definitely not found on the internet quotes to help when life gets hard.

8.) “Always take hold of things by the smooth handle.”
You’ve had a rough week semester filled with stress and sadness, and TJ understands. That is why he promotes drinking copious amounts of liquor to help you get a better grasp on life. Don’t feel bad for throwing in the towel and grabbing the nearest bottle, you are under the guidance of the Father of the Declaration of Independence.

7.) “Wisdom I know is social.”
Getting desperate enough to ask for help on your take home quizzes? Worried that you’ll make Jefferson roll over in his grave? Don’t fret! Despite what the Honor Council wants you to believe, TJ was all about that group work. So grab a partner, and get testing!

6.) “Fuck the man (and Tech).”
Okay, so Thomas Jefferson is not recorded to have ever actually said this one, but that doesn’t mean it never happened. For a political figure, this guy hated being told what to do more than most people hate O-Hill. He also had a massive superiority complex, so he absolutely would’ve trash talked Tech with the rest of us Wahoos. So, when you get frustrated with your parents forgetting that you are a full grown adult now, or with your professors giving you ten thousand page papers during the last week of class, make like Jefferson and fuck. the. man. (and Tech, duh).

5.) “The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.”
This one is for all of you who never realized your bank account could go into the negatives before. As Christmas break gets nearer, your spending rate begins to increase. Daily peppermint mochas, new sweaters to keep out the chill, shitty peppermint schnapps for all the Christmas parties, and so much more! Your wallet is basically crying at this point, and so are you. Take the advice of our favorite dead president and think warm thoughts as you slurp ramen for the eleventh time this week. The heat will help your tears evaporate. 

4.) “[Streaking] is the best possible exercise.”
The tradition of streaking the Lawn is a time honored one. Bet you didn’t know exactly how time honored it is though, huh? Through this quote and several drawings hidden in the underground tunnels of UVa, there’s now “definitive proof” that Thomas Jefferson himself did in fact streak the Lawn. And he didn’t just do it once. It appears that whenever his nerves got the best of him, he would strip down and run from his beloved rotunda to Cabell Hall and back. And you should too!

3.) “Cs get degrees, my young prodigies.”
Yes, this very famous quote was invented by T-Jeffy, just like mac and cheese! And, also like mac and cheese, these famous words should comfort you in your times of sorrow (a.k.a. when you start studying for that anthro exam having not done any of the readings).

2.) “I’m not throwing away my shot!”
Nothing more rousing than a good inspirational quote from our favorite founding father! Who would’ve thought that it would only take six words for TJ to draw us out of our pre-break slump! That is why he is the best! Wait, is this one Thomas Jefferson, or a different, neglected, founding father. Hmmmm. Better check Broadway.

1.) “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all UVa students are created equal; that they are endowed by me with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of winter break.”
The most famous of Jeffersons quotes. The most beautiful, inspiring quote that has ever been written in the course of humanity. If this alone doesn’t get you through finals, nothing will. 

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