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9 Graphs That Accurately Describe Life At UVA

After scouring Grounds and polling a great number of students of various backgrounds and creeds, we’re here to demonstrate with statistics and Wahoo-colored pie charts what we all knew all along: we’re a bunch of basic bitches. Check out our school by the numbers.


If there’s any organization on Grounds we all love to hate, it’s the UGuides. But good news, we now know we hate them because they’re made up of a mixture of pompous assholes, overachievers and contain a very small percentage of okay people.



You may have realized a recent uptick in the popularity of everyone’s favorite nudie-roomed library. Thanks to the closing of Clem 2 and every Hoo’s dependence on caffeine, Clark’s tables are a little fuller these days.



At the beginning of the night, it’s pretty easy to doubt that you look anything like the picture on your fake. It could be because the person has an entirely different hair color than you or because it says that you’ll be turning 30 this October. Either way, as you wait in line at Boylan, 5 drinks in, your confidence in the reliability of both your fake and your dance moves skyrockets.



When you’re forced to walk everywhere, the likelihood of getting hurt is far higher. When you add in the dangerous elements of alcohol and very old brick walkways, you personally may be enough to keep student health up and running.



Just stop. This never works.



We get it, there are a few classics that most girls like. Also, it’s tough to fight the numbers here; girls would order these on their own if boys weren’t so willingly paying for them.



As progressive as we may be, it just doesn’t seem likely that girls are going to start buying drinks for guys. #sorrynotsorry #wehavetamponstopayfor



Read this graph as a progression of thought.

The smell is what gets you to the dumpling line every time, or that guy walking down the sidewalk slurping sesame noodles with that good peanut sauce. However, at no point in the line are you thinking, “This was a good idea. I am a picture of health and waiting 20 minutes for Chinese food is my favorite pastime.” No, the only time the dumpling line is worth it is when you have take the first bite or there’s a basketball player in front of you in line.



Speaking of lines, what the actual fuck? Roots is good, obviously, though we wouldn’t go as far as to say that’s why there’s always such a long line. Roots is cool and they know it, that’s why that hemp bowl of rabbit food will cost you somewhere north of $10. You’ll feel great after you eat it (then heat it up and eat it again later) but your wallet, or as some of us refer to them, your parents, will not be happy with you.



When did college apartments become nicer than our parents’ houses?

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