Relationship Status: I am always accepting applications. If you would like me to fill one out, I’ll text you tomorrow… I promise.
Major: BA philosophy, working on masters of teaching. I have learned that bartending for UVA undergrads is really no different than trying to teach first graders, but it would seem first graders are better potty-trained .
Favorite Drink: Bourbon, straight.
Favorite Shot: Bourbon… straight.
Disgusting Drink: Vodka soda splash of cranberry.
What does Bronco Mendenhall drink on Sundays after a game? Why?:
Shots of rail tequila. Because he should feel as disappointed in his life decisions as we are with his coaching decisions.
If Kurt Benkert came to this bar, what would you put in his drink?:
A plane ticket back to ECU so he can still salvage some self-respect.
3 ways UVA’s football games would be different if you could drink in the game:
1.) Students still wouldn’t go.
2.) I might stay past the first quarter before giving up.
3.) No, that’s a lie. I wouldn’t be able to afford enough alcohol at a game to make it bearable.
Whose tight end do you most want to squeeze?:
Jessica Alba circa Sin City.
Five words why UVA will go undefeated this year:
You’re funny, I like you.
What football term seems most like a sex act?:
“You just have to hit the hole hard or you’re not going to get the penetration you need to put it in the end zone.”
What sex act seems most life a football term?:
Hokie Wheelhouse – not really sure how this one goes, but I understand it involves at least two different farm animals and your favorite cousin.
Describe the last pile you were on the bottom of:
“You just have to hit the hole hard enough or you’re not going to get enough penetration to put it in the end zone.”
Why should people read The Black Sheep?:
It gives you something to read if your phone doesn’t work in the bathroom, and then you’re still good if you run out of TP.
Wonder why freshmen suck? We have it figured out: