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We Got Drunk at Lighting of the Lawn: Here’s What Happened

Lighting of the Lawn. This year, the man tried to stop our fun by ‘protecting us’ with giant metal detectors and a no liquids policy. The Black Sheep will not stand for it. We snuck alcohol into Lighting of the Lawn, and used it to make the night as fun as it should be. Here’s the run down:

6:30 p.m.:
We drink our first glass of dirty hot chocolate before arriving so that if our plan fails, we will at least have a light buzz going while the middle schoolers perform.

6:45 p.m.:
We arrive at the Lawn, but are momentarily distracted by the Got Dumplings cart.

7 p.m.:
Dumplings consumed, we wrap our bottle of peppermint schnapps up like a baby in a blanket and head toward security. We smile at the nice guard as we slide the blanket across the table and walk through the metal detector. He tells us to have a good evening. We’re in (score). That was surprisingly easy.

7:15 p.m.:
We decide to take a shot every time a child who looks too young to be here steps up on stage. This doesn’t seem like too horrible of a plan until FYP performs.

7:20 p.m.: 
We wait impatiently for the porta potty, trying not to let the 13 shots we’ve just taken make a reappearance. Damn FYP babies.

7:45 pm We rally and head back to the center of the lawn so the two ambassadors standing in the corner looking miserable don’t see us drinking, give us a slap on the wrist, and take our alcohol for themselves.

7:50 p.m. – 9:29 p.m.: 
We think people are performing, but honestly we aren’t listening.

9:30 p.m. ;
The groups of gay guys getting more girls than frat boys finally start performing, and we suddenly pay attention. Now we’re drunk enough to profess our undying love to a VeeGee/Hullabahoo/AVP boy who should be a 6, but is suddenly a 10 because of his singing ability and sexy Christmas jumper. Oh, and the booze.

10:02 p.m.: 
We’re six shots in to Round 2, and reallllllly ready to go home and pee. The LOTL director comes out and announces that X-Tasee hip hop team will perform on the grass instead of the highly unstable stage. We only hear the word ‘ecstasy’ and ask the person next to us where the drugs are. They are not as amused as they should be by our hilarious jokes.

10:04 p.m.:
People have decided to stand up. We are disappointed in this decision because standing is hard right now, but we follow the crowd. We think X-Tasee might be performing, but we are too busy focusing on the three heads the guy in front of us has to really pay attention. Hey, music is good though.

10:10 p.m.:
Shitty poem is way less shitty eight shots in. We laugh at all the jokes. Lou is our hero.

10:13 p.m.:
The Lawn is finally lit, and so are we. Supposedly the lights make shapes, but at this point it the Rotunda just looks like a giant ball of unforgiving light. Also, when did we get a second Rotunda?

10:40 p.m.:
Festivities over, we stumble into Christian’s to grab a slice and take a piss.

This was fun, we’re planning to do it next year if anyone wants to join in. But like, fuck all that security though.

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