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If UVa Students Were Thanksgiving Dishes


Thanksgiving Break is right around the corner, so try not to drool too much thinking about all the delicious food to come in the very near future. In the meantime, we’ve come up with the ultimate UVa Thanksgiving dinner, in which each school is in charge of bringing the dish that suits it best. Talk about a potluck.


Arts and Sciences: Turkey



The biggest and best part of the whole shebang. The college constitutes a large majority of UVa and wouldn’t handle being anything less on the dinner table. Turkeys like to take it easy through out the semester and then get carved up during finals week because they thought they were the ones that had it easy. Fresh meat will be here soon enough to take the lashings next year.


Nursing School: Pie



Who doesn’t like seeing a cute little nurse-to-be in her scrubs? Who doesn’t like seeing grandma’s homemade apple pie making its way to the table. You can’t help but think, “Will that nurse be staring down my birth canal years down the road?” or, “Will I know how to make grandma’s pie when she kicks the bucket?”


Architecture: Mashed Potatoes



Everyone loves mashed potatoes. Everyone loves a roof over your head. Always be nice to mashed potatoes because they could violate codes when building your future home, or just decide you have to be homeless. Eating a lot of potatoes on Thanksgiving is the key to a lavish future.


Batten: Vegetables



What they do for your body is really nice and all, but they’re better left in the dark back corner of the pantry in an aluminum can. Public policy should really be brought to light, but hey, our generation stands firmly by the belief that ignorance is bliss. It has to be when ignorance is the only option.


Engineering: Cranberry Sauce



This gooey gelatin concoction has to remain in its own dish at all times as to not get on all the other food and mix up all the wonderful flavors. If you let the cranberry sauce into the “turkey” (aka A&S) then it will dominate and take over the world. “Thank goodness for SIS restrictions and side dishes. “ –T. Paine


Curry: Dinner Rolls



If you don’t love bread, then no one loves you. Transitive property.  If you don’t like any of the other Thanksgiving foods, bread will always have your back. Eat enough bread to equal the carbs you should have covered with everything else, and you’ll still be able to say you had a pretty successful meal.


Commerce: Cookies



Cookies think they’re the ish. Wrong. While cookies make a great treat any other day, Thanksgiving is a day for grandma’s pie. Yeah yeah, cookies think they have a more successful future in the real world, but if you’re not gonna eat good food, then life ain’t worth living. T. Pain said that as well.


If you have all of these things at your Thanksgiving get together, you’ll be doing almost as well as the Pilgrims. UVa wouldn’t be the place it is without all of its lovely food. Food as in the people we’re referring to in this article, because we obviously would never call UVa’s actual food lovely. Bleh.

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