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Rugby Players Take Back Rugby Road From Fraternities


As UVa students returned from Spring Break, one last hoorah was planned before the misery and dread of midterms could resume. A Project-X level party broke out Sunday night with frat houses getting more out of control than ever before. Mad Bowl was so trashed with Solo cups, beer cans, and broken dreams on Monday morning that the UVa Men’s Rugby Team took to protest. How dare the fraternities trash their practice field? They immediately took to yik yak and demanded that the frat stars give them their road back.


Rugby Road is, of course, UVa’s version of Greek Row, but what many students don’t know is that fraternities stole the beloved street from rugby players many decades ago. The rugby players are asking that Greek organizations pack up their letters and get the heck over to a street they have established themselves. Perhaps “Sigma Street” or “Alpha Alley.”


Greek kids are lashing out claiming that they know how to best utilize the space. One Phi Psi member said he is “not willing to give up his view of Mad Bowl,” even though he only looks at it when actual rugby isn’t going on. The debate has been heating up quickly and the Rugby Team is ready for war — if that is what it takes.


Fourth year rugby player Alex Callihan claimed that he has “seen these frat stars,” and “could take them all on my own with my rugby moves. Bring it on.”


Third year frat bro Brian Anderson quickly responded, “My dad will sue you so fast.”


Lawsuits could be an issue if the rugby players get physical. Greek students are going to need to call up their lawyerdads immediately if they want any chance at keeping their homes.


T Sully said she is staying out of the matter and that she hopes “the best team– I mean organization– wins.” Dean Groves, on the other hand, said he’s rooting for his fellow bros and added, “there’s no need to fix what’s not broken.”


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The rugby players are adamant that their hearts are broken and want the place they “once called home” back. They have officially challenged all members of Greek life to a drunken capture the flag battle on Mad Bowl Thursday evening. Whichever organization wins gets to immediately return to the houses for the rest of eternity, and throw hella ragers for the rest of the night.


If the Greek organizations win, the party themes for the night will allegedly be “Sports that actually matter,” however, if the Rugby Team wins then the theme will be, “My daddy bought me this outfit.” The Black Sheep can’t take sides in this issue, but you certainly can. Come prepared with attire for Thursday evening and cheer on the group you want to control the future of Rugby Road partying at UVa for the rest of eternity.

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